Sunday, October 01, 2017

Who Was At the Gas Station?

     So I went to the friendly local gas station in order to obtain fuel for my vehicle.  And as I was sitting there waiting for the pump to fill my tank, I was looking around at who was at the gas station with me, and it was the strangest crew.  So who exactly was at the gas station?

1.)  Me.  I am awesome.  But you already knew that.

2.)  The gas station attendant, whom we shall call Chad.  He always looks like he is worried when you first see him, but then once you start talking to him, he is really a pretty cool guy.  He got his limit of ducks today, and I am glad for him.

Golfer Greg Norman and his hat.
3.)  Bench Guy.  There was a guy just sitting on the bench in front of the gas station.  Just sitting there, which no one ever does except the woman who works there and really likes to smoke A LOT and apparently hates standing.  Anyway, he was wearing a hat like Greg Norman always used to wear for no apparent reason.  He might have been eating ice cream.  But that is not the point. Despite the fact that sitting on a bench eating ice cream is a totally reasonable and normal thing to do, it simply isn't generally done in front of a gas station.  In a park maybe.  Or at a bus stop.  But not in front of the gas station.  It was even stranger that he got up and left abruptly in his Lexus SUV when the Squirrely Guy left.  Like, not in a coincidental way, but in a very intentional type way.

4.)  The Squirrely Guy.  I did not see Squirrely Guy go into the store, but I saw him come out and it was 130% no good.  First of all, his first generation Ford Escape was parked in a manner that no one who goes to my gas station parks.  It is hard to explain but it was in the wrong spot and facing the wrong direction.  Based on the layout of the driveways and parking areas, you would have to either a.) consciously try to park like a dumbass in this place, or b.) make a really long chain of quesitonable decisions that led your vehicle to be stopped in that particular place at that angle in that direction.  I am going to assume that Squirrely Guy did the later. 
Seriously, who goes around holding their arm like this?
So he comes rolling out of the out door of the gas station and I am not even sure that I can describe it.  First off, he was holding his right arm like he had a broken or dislocated elbow, but I am pretty sure that he did not have a broken or dislocated elbow.  So he is slinking along the front of the building holding his arm in the weird way, and he keeps jerking his head back to look at Bench Guy.  He was sort of looking around harried in that way that a person who was wanted by the authorities would, but he was totally focusing on Bench Guy.  I have no idea what it was all about.  But when I saw Squirrely Guy I knew automatically that no good would come of him being anywhere near me.  Or my gas station.  Once he took off so did Bench Guy so I kind of assumed that one was about to sell drugs to the other, although I honestly couldn't tell who was selling to whom.

5.)  The PDA Couple.  I have seen the PDA couple hanging around the neighborhood all weekend.
  Yesterday, they walked past the Worldwide Headquarters down the road that no one walks down because it doesn't go anywhere.  They were holding hands then and they were again today.  They emerged from behind the Squirrely Guy's car and headed into the store.  Holding hands.  They are in their twenties as far as I can tell.  The girl is a petite blonde who dresses like you would expect a basic girl to dress in the fall: leggings, long flowing open sweater, but no Uggs, which was nice.  My very first impression was that she was high maintenance but upon further inspection I don't think that is true.  I assure you that she had pumpkin spice something withing the last 24 hours.  The guy was just like a normal, average guy.  T-shirt and jeans.  Like maybe he delivers produce to grocery stores or installs cable television in his normal life.  But they seemed to be in love.  I thought that they might be on vacation but then I saw the car.  A dilapidated 90s era Lincoln Continental, all beat to shit, with a donut on the tire and a really recent license plate.  They bought nothing but a 12 pack of Bud Light, which I suppose was to be suspected.  Once I saw them go rolling out in their hoopty ride, it all started to click.  I have a feeling that we aren't quite done with PDA Couple yet.

In and of themselves, the Bench Guy, the Squirrely Guy, and the PDA couple are not remarkable.  But put all together in one place, at one time, where none of them are regularly seen, and things got a little sideways awfully quickly at the gas station this afternoon.  It just had a really odd vibe, maybe not to Chad the attendant but to me it certainly did.  Although I never expect to see any of them again, excepting Chad and maybe 50/50 on the PDA couple, I can't help but think about where they are and what they are doing right now.  Are PDA Couple all drunk on Bud Light?  How is Squirrely Guy's elbow.  Did the drug deal go down okay?  Does Bench Guy's wife know about his bench lurking?  I guess that we will never know.  I just know that when we were all together at that one time at that one gas station, things got weird.  And they got weird fast.