Thursday, February 05, 2015

Three Openings (Part 2)

     So Melodie Peil has been driving around for fifteen years with thirteen pounds and a half pounds of pot stowed in the door of her 1990 Chevrolet conversion van, unbeknownst to her.  And the previous owner of the van.  Oh, and the US Customs and Border Patrol.  Yeah, the Border Patrol.
    Peil, of New Mexico, bought her van used thirteen years ago from that aforementioned used car lot to tote her and her family around.  No big deal, right?  Roomy, comfortable, probably not great on gas but who cares, right?  So off she goes, all over the place, including Mexico.  Ten times.  Ten times she passed INTO the us through legitimate border stations with DRUG SNIFFING DOGS and the huge amount of pot hidden in her van, packaged for transport, was never discovered.  That's fucked up, okay?  I have known people who have had their cars literally taken apart by the Border Patrol coming back from Canada JUST BECAUSE.  Okay, usually because the people were day tripping to Canada and were drunk because you can drink really strong Molson there at age 19.  But still, CANADA!  And those people didn't have thirteen and a half pounds of pot packaged for transport in the front passenger door of their van.  But Melodie did, and she never got caught.
     Which is probably a good thing, because, well, she would have been fucked.  Like, royally.  There is no way that you are not going to prison when you get caught with that much marijuana PACKAGED FOR TRANSPORT in the door of your van, even if you really didn't have anything to do with it.  So how did they find it, Big Dave?  How did they discover this treasure trove that would have made her kids the most popular and rich kids in school?  Because the locks didn't work.
This 1990 Chevy conversion van is basically begging to be searched for drugs.
      Or at least one lock.  Melodie was having trouble locking the front passenger door of her 1990 Chevy conversion van, which most people would attribute to the fact that it is a 1990 Chevy conversion van, but when you have thirteen and a half pounds of marijuana packaged for transport stowed away in your 1990 Chevy conversion van, I would suppose that you want the locks to work.  So she calls up her family friend, Bryan Reyes, to get the lock fixed up.  Now I assume that he tried jiggering it, and maybe smacking it, and probably slamming the door really hard a couple of times, and probably some WD-40 like any guy would do.  And when all of that didn't work, in lieu of saying "Hey, it's probably broken because this is a 1990 Chevy conversion van," he went the extra mile and actually tried to fix it right.  So he started to pop the inside door panel off of the door and, well, we will let Bry-guy explain it to you.
     "When I first pulled out the brick, it was a two-pound brick."  You seem to know a lot about marijuana packaged for transport, there Bryan.  Go on. "I was like, holy cow!"  You did not say, "Holy cow."  There was an expletive involved.  Go on. "So I put it on the chair, and I looked and there was [sic] like six more bricks. I thought, this is a lot of marijuana."
     Yes it is, Bryan.  Yes it is. So a phone call to the police and a spot on the local news and that is all she wrote.  Police went ahead and did some extrapolation, and figured that if fifteen years ago some stoner left thirteen and a half pounds of pot in that door, God knows what else he forgot about in there.  And when they figured out that Melodie isn't all that great at, you know, noticing stuff, they decided that they had better give that van the once, twice, and probably three times over.  They even gave the US Customs and Border Patrol an out, saying that the dogs and agents probably couldn't detect the drugs because they were so old. 
     Which is probably what saved Melodie in the long run.  That and the fact that she called the cops instead of them just sort of catching her.  Because, really, if you call the cops to tell them you found a shit ton of pot in your van you have either a.) smoked a shit ton of pot already or b.) it's not your pot.  Also, most people aren't going to carry around thirteen and a half pounds of fifteen year old pot packaged for transport, because it is not exactly like wine, you know?  All I know is that once the police are done with it, Melodie is going to need a new van.  And maybe she will check it out a little better this time.

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