Sunday, February 01, 2015

Super Bowl Sunday

     So it is Sunday, February 1, 2015, and 96.7% of America is watching Super Bowl XLIX, which somehow is one less than Super Bowl L, which doesn't make much sense, because Super Bowl L sounds like the brand name of a base model toilet.  I, personally, would spring for the Super Bowl LX, which is actually going to happen XI years from now, since in ancient Rome they didn't do numbers XLIX meant 49, L meant 50, LX means 60, and XI means 11. 
    Anyway, all this math will have to wait until later, because right now the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots are playing football in between commercials and a Katy Perry concert.  And Lenny Kravitz is her special guest because the Super Bowl halftime show always has to feature at least one artist who hasn't been relevant for at least seven years.
     And it has to be boring as hell.  At least to be there in person.  Once, a guy I know described football as being boring because there was action for ten seconds then everyone just mills around for thirty seconds before something happens again.  At the Super Bowl, there is a three minute break every five minutes or so, and an extra long halftime.  And you get to pay thousands for that business.
     Truth be told, it is pretty boring on TV, too.  That is why we all have to throw huge parties to watch the game.  The problem, truthfully, is that no one is ever in it for the whole thing.  The football people are in it for the football, which is completely disrupted by the million billion commercials and the extra long halftime.  The commercial people are in it for the commercials, which are interrupted by football and all the sixty-five hours of pregame.
     If you are, however, one of the people who doesn't give a shit about either, then this is the day for you.  On Super Bowl Sunday in just about every place in America, you can go out wherever you want and do just about anything you would like and not be in anyone's way.  You can hear a pin drop in every grocery store.  You can go to the amusement park and ride every ride without waiting in a single line.  Seriously, I have had the occasion for a whole bunch of the last few years to be driving long distances during the Super Bowl, and the highways are a ghost town.  Just me and a bunch of semi trucks.  The trick, however, is to make sure that you are home by the time the game is over, because by the time The Blacklist comes on, there will be approximately 150 million people drunken driving home.  So watch out for that.
    But anyway, whatever gets you excited about today I hope you enjoy it.  And if you are an employer, I would not bother to plan on getting anything done tomorrow.  In 2008 a study estimated that 4.4 million people are late to work on the day after the Super Bowl, 1.5 million don't show up at all, and productivity losses are in the millions of dollars.  So it sucks to be you.  Enjoy the game!

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