Monday, August 25, 2014

Jeff Winger Speeches: Pilot

For those of you who don't know, I am a big fan of the television series "Community" which aired for five (5) seasons on NBC before being cancelled permanently.  Recently, it was picked up by Yahoo! Screen.  Since the mantra of the small but devoted fan base of the show has been that it should or will run for six seasons and that there will be a movie (#sixseasonsandamovie), this was a big deal.  In honor of this, I have decided to post the text of what I feel are the five most impressive Jeff Winger speeches from the show.  For those of you who are fans you will get it, for everyone else, you probably won't.  But I don't care, because this is my blog and I want to do it.  Also, I didn't have any other ideas for what to post and this sort of took care of that problem for me.  So anyway, we will start with Jeff Winger's first speech from Season 1, Episode 1, simply entitled "Pilot."

Jeff:     Alright everybody!  I want to say something. Sit down. You know what makes humans different from other animals?  We're the only species on earth that observes Shark Week.  Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do.  For the same reason that I can pick up this pencil, tell you it's name is Steve, and go like this, and a little part of you dies just a little bit on the inside.  Because people can connect with anything.  We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting,  People can find the good in just about anything but themselves.  Look at me.  It is clear to all of you that I am awesome, but I can never admit that because that would make me an ass.  What I can do, is see what makes Annie awesome.  She's driven.  We need driven people, or the lights go out and the ice cream melts.  And Pierce - we need guys like Pierce. This guy has wisdom to offer.  We should listen to him sometime, we wouldn't regret it.  And Shirley.  Shirley has earned our respect, not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman.  And don't test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was way to specific to be improvised.  And Troy, who cares if Troy thinks he's all that?  Maybe he is.  You think astronauts go to the moon because they hate oxygen?  No, they're trying to impress their high school's prom king.  And Abed.  Abed is a shaman.  You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup.  Because, you know what?  Soup is better.  Abed is better.  You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not the believe it when you hear it from yourself.  I want you to look to the person to your left.  Sorry, look at the person next to you.  I want you to extend to that person the same compassion that you extend to sharks, pencils, and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person "I forgive you."

All:     I forgive you.

Jeff:     You've just stopped being a study group.  You have become something unstoppable.  I hereby pronounce you a community.


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