Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Major League: An Anniversary

    In honor of the 25th Anniversary of the release of one of the greatest movies of all time: Major League 2: back to the Minors, we are going...oh wait.  That movie sucked balls.  And it didn't come out 25 years ago.  But the original Major League did.  The one with Corbin Burnsen and Wesley Snipes and Charlie Sheen (this was when he started "winning" I think).  That one came out 25 years ago.  So in honor of that we are going to look at the twenty-five (pretty classy of me to spell that out, don't you think?) best one liners from the movie.  Except that we are only going to do 20, because 25 is a lot.  All ranked by me, Big Dave, except that they are in no particular order.

Mr. Butler: (Pointing to roster of players) This guy here is dead.
Mrs. Phelps: Cross him off then.

Charlie Donovan:  This looks like Jake Taylor.
Lou Brown: He was an All-Star in Boston, wasn't he?
Charlie Donovan: Yeah.
Pepper Leach:  Wish we had him two years ago.
Charlie Donovan: We did.
Pepper Leach: Four years then.

Lou Brown:  Thought you didn't have any high-priced talent.
Charlie Donovan:  Forget about Dorn 'cause he's only high priced.

Willy Mays Hayes:  What the hell league you been playin' in?
Rick Vaughn:  California Penal.


Willy Mays Hayes:  Shit, I've been cut already?

Lou Brown:  Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit.


Harry Doyle: Just a bit outside!

Harry Doyle:  Haywood swings and crushed it towards South America.  Tomlinson's gonna need a visa to catch that one!

Harry Doyle:  The Post Game show is brought to you by...Christ.  I can't find it.  The hell with it.


Harry Doyle:  For the Indians, one run, and let's see, one hit.  Is that all we got, one Goddamn hit?
Stat Man:  You can't say that on air."
Harry Doyle, brushing him off.  Ahh...nobody's listening.

Jake Taylor:  Uh oh Rexie. I don't think that one's got the distance.

Jake Taylor:  Well, then, I guess there's only one thing to do.
Willy Mays Hayes:  What's that?
Jake Taylor:  Win the whole fucking thing.


The entire American Express commercial.

Roger Dorn: I've only got one thing to say to you.  Strike this f&*#er out.

Pedro Cerrano: I pissed off now, Jobu.  I good to you. I stand up for you. I you no help me now, I say fuck you, Jobu.  I do it myself.

Harry Doyle:  Haywood's a convicted felon, isn't it, Marty?
Monty:  It doesn't say here.
Harry Doyle:  Well he should be.

Charlie Donovan:  [Lou], How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Lou Brown:  I don't know...
Charlie Donovan:  What do ya mean you don't know?  This is a chance to manage in the big leagues.
Lou Brown:  Lemme think it over, will ya, Charlie?  I got a guy on the other line about some white walls.  I'll talk to ya later.

All of this, because it deserves three:

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