Company, I want to share with you, verbatim, the conversation that I had with the venerable Pins McGee last night, because you deserve it. I warn you though, it is not appropriate for children. Or anyone who is into political correctness. Or anyone who is into just plain correctness. Or anyone who hates grown, bearded men acting like lame, goateed college douches. Or really anyone at all. You've been warned
BD: What do you think about a TV show about us living on a Mississippi River houseboat?
P: I think there's six TV networks that would jump all over that! As would I. There's a lot of potential there.
BD: Like we just go around having adventures. Visit all the college town along the river from New Orleans to Bemidji and up the Ohio and Missouri.
P: That actually sounds really fun. Where do I sign up and where did you get this idea?
BD: I saw a bunch of houseboats for sale on Craigslist and I was like "A guy could get laid a lot with one of those things. Plus MacGyver lived on one of those and he kicked ass." And you are the only other person I know who would appreciate the lifestyle.
P: 1.) If there was ever one text that basically summed up our friendship that would probably be it. 2.) I like being in a situation where I can pretend to be MacGyver and also get laid a lot. 3.) So if we're pitching this to a network it goes something like "Two guys with a wily sense of humor travel around the central US on a houseboat visiting various night life hotspots wherever they find port!"
BD: And going to every sporting event they can get their hands on.
P: I'm dead serious about pursuing this, we can make a pitch video and just start pounding different networks until one of them bites. TruTV comes to mind.
BD: Yes, they would dig it.
P: I didn't even think of that. That's even more potential for excitement.
BD: And w could try for some sort of tie in with Maxim where we write a monthly column about what we do as well.
P: Oooh now that's being a true media mogul! Riverboat Gamblers: Following the Current of something like that.
BD: Yeah. Nothing gets you laid faster than a houseboat with a Maxim tie-in. I feel we need to interview those All Hockey Hair Team guys at least once.
P: For sure. Find obscure internet celebrities along the banks and do a little podcast or blog with them for BD&C and also get it on camera for the show. Starting with the All Hockey Hair guys. That will set a strong base for what we're about.
BD: Yeah. It is going to be spectacular.
P: Now I'm looking up houseboats too. Potential everywhere. Haha! (Editor's Note: Pins spent hours scouring the Internet and sent me his preferred houseboat late this morning. - BD)
BD: I know. And the best thing is that you only need a sort of nice one and there will be nothing but coeds in bikinis all over the place.
P: Exactly. As long as it doesn't remind them of a frat basement they're all over it. Think of all the girls jumping on our boat who can't afford to go to Panama City or wherever.
BD: For sure. "Come down below and I can show you where Pins interviews people for TruTV." That will be my pickup line.
P: "If you ask Captain Dave nicely, he might let you take a spin in his Captain's Chair." Plus with my culinary expertise we can have huge cookouts and whatnot. (Editor's Note: Pins McGee looks resplendent in an cookout apron. - BD
BD: We would also have a first class bar.
P: That should go without saying. Haha. Just saw one with a whole second level captains cabin that would make a great HQ for the show. Would probably have to do a little retro fitting to any one of them to give us both our own little space though.
BD: And we must have a dinghy in tow at all times. Or like a little Zodiac. There are two bedroom houseboats out there.
P: The same boat I just mentioned actually had a dinghy lift on the back! Great minds...hahaha. And I've seen a few, kind of hard to tell on some how the layout is. Wouldn't be hard to make one either if the space was already there. A jetski would be nice too but I would never be sober enough to safely operate it.
BD: We put the jetski on the dinghy life and tow the Zodiac.
P: Done and done. I was going to ask about bringing along a skipper for when we're taking care of coeds but then I realized, where the hell do we really have to be? Just drop anchor and wait 'til we're good and ready to leave.
BD: Oh yeah. You have to anchor on a sand bar or something so people can swim and mingle. Because I assume we will have a party flotilla following us around after the first week or so.
P: Good call, maybe we need more of a rotating local navigator then to show us some sweet places to drop anchor at. Spring Break Sweeps Week is going to be crazy for us. Probably get invited to DJ some college parties/night clubs too.
BD: Well yeah. And we would have people calling us to be in their VIP rooms because it would increase the gate.
P: There's really no ceiling for what we could do with this.
He is so right. I know you can't wait, Company. Send us your applications for important crew positions now. We need a qualified key grip and best boy ASAP.