Monday, August 12, 2013

When In Rome...

     Let's take a moment to get into some hypotheticals, shall we, Company? 
     Situation #1:  Let's pretend that I come to the town where you live.  Then let's pretend that I come into a friendly local business that you work at.  I do not bother to wear shoes.  I remove my pants, I find the nearest pretty girl, and I have her ride around on my back like I am a horse.  Then, I go in my Captain America underwear out into the street where I am loud and very, very conspicuous.  Then I wonder why you get angry at me for acting that way.
     Situation #2:  I want to go to a friendly local business, but it is located on a major local highway with a bit of a sketchy parking situation.  So I drive there in my automobile, and I proceed to stop in the middle of the major highway and stare for like two minutes at the parking situation.  Then I turn down the side road and proceed to park in the parking lot for the competing business.  When I realize that this is not the place that I want to go, I back out into traffic on the side road without looking for any traffic or pedestrians.  I then stop again in the middle of the major highway to stare at the parking situation before making a VERY illegal U-turn and parking on the sidewalk.
     Situation #3:  I come to the town where you live YET AGAIN.  I go into your favorite grocery store, grab a cart, and proceed to wander around the store without looking around me because I am too busy staring at the roof trusses and brightly colored packages because I apparently have never seen an f-ing grocery store before.  I then go to the liquor portion and buy sixteen packs of booze and jump in line in front of you.  In the process, I give you a dirty look even though you are just trying to buy bread, grapes, and a box of Tuna Helper.
     Situation #4:  I think that is enough hypothetical situations for one day, isn't it?
     Anyway, the top three situations happened to me within the last week and a half.  It is the height of the summer tourism season, Company, and with the Worldwide Headquarters being located here, there are naturally a ton of tourists who come to where I live.  And a pretty lively tourism infrastructure has sprung up to serve them.  So as you can imagine I see a lot of tourists as I go about my day.  Observing them has led me to develop one major piece of advice for everyone who cares to travel and go on vacation:


     People tend to forget this important social tenet, which causes them to act like a-holes.  If I came to any other town and did any of the above things, most people would be disgusted.  Most of the people whom I saw doing those things would be disgusted, or at least annoyed.   Yet all of them did that when they were on vacation.  They have forgotten the first rule: see above.  The old adage is 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do."  And that is true, because you should do what the locals do.  Because they would never do that shit in their hometown.  But the Romans were also crazy a-holes.  I think it should be more like this: "When in Rome, do as you would do when you are wherever the fuck you came from."