Sunday, April 21, 2013

Stop Wineing

     There was a time not too long ago when I used to go out a lot.  When I was in college, and for a few years thereafter, I used to frequent bars with all sorts of other boys and girls in their 20s trying to do...well, what most boys and girls in their 20s are trying to do at the bar.  Well, I am not in my 20s anymore, Company, and that is okay, but it is a little skeezy for me to be hanging around at the bars scoping out all the girls in their 20s every night.  But even though I am a media mogul, I still like to scope out girls in their 20s, and so in order to be less creepy and to stay in touch with the masses, I usually spend my summer moonlighting as a bartender, and I notice the same trends.  The fact is this, Company: somewhere along the way in life we abandon beer and liquor and get into the wine.  We all become winos.
      Well not all of us.  It happens to a few guys here and there, but it definitely a largely female phenomena.  In their 20s, boys and girls are out at bars and parties sucking down beer after beer after beer, and often times sending it back out the way it came in gross bathrooms, behind dumpsters, etc.  And it was equal for the most part.  Boys would drink liquor from time to time, usually easy mixers, and girls would drink liquor drinks that required a mixer (like a margarita or daquiri) or had to have special names.  I am looking at you Long Island Iced Tea.  But that was how it worked, and still works, when you are in your 20s.
     But now I am in my 30s, and I look around at all those girls that are suddenly in their 30s as well, girls that used to suck down beers with the best of them, and now here they are on The FB with gigantic glasses of wine in their hands.  When the hell did that happen?  Somewhere along the way the bottles in the background stopped being brown and 12 oz in size to being green and one liter.  Or litre if you are in Canada.  It happens all the time at the bar.  I don't pour wine for anyone under 30.  And girls over 30 don't generally drink beer, with the exception of a couple of craft beers.
      Now, I am not saying that the boys and men of the world are immune to the alcohol change, we are not.  There are always a few guys who start wineing, but I believe that it tends to happen a little later in life.  First we go through this sort of phase where we still drink beer and liquor but we drink a little bit nicer liquor and beer, or maybe light or lite beer instead, depending on the brand.  With exception, of course, of that one beer that is awful but that we still drink for nostalgia's sake.
     It does not matter what class you are, or how much you make either.  For every fifty or five hundred dollar bottle of wine there is a ten dollar bottle of wine, and those gigantic wine glasses that sit on every other shelf at Pier 1 will hold your Zuko Delicious Red box wine just as well as it will hold that 1990 Chateau Cos d'Estournal St. Estephe Bourdeaux the chick who cut you off in the Escalade will be drinking.  The wineing takes people of all types.
     Just think about it, Company.  Yeah you might have a bunch of beer in your fridge, or God willing a fridge in the basement or garage just for beer, but I would bet that you have a wine rack in your house somewhere.  When did that happen?  And I am sure you have some wine glasses in a cabinet somewhere too.  I bet those moved in at the same time.  The wineing has come.  And there is no way to stop it.

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