Sunday, March 03, 2013

Read, Kitty, Read.

     So, Company, I know that it has been an awfully long time since I have posted something here, but February was a pretty busy month.  It is also the shortest month of the year, which means that by the time I finally finished putting up all those Valentine's Day decorations all around the expansive Worldwide Headquarters, the month was over and it was time for the Unpaid Interns to take them down.  Anyway, I was going to start off March strong with yet another post complaining about people's personalized license plates, but I decided that maybe we should be a little more socially aware.  In my last post, we looked at the dangers posed by trains, which apparently are more of a problem than I ever could have imagined.  In that spirit today I would like to tackle an even more daunting problem plaguing most of our major cities today: feline illiteracy. 
     After cruising Facebook and the rest of the Internet for approximately four minutes, I was able to tell that feline illiteracy is rapidly becoming pandemic around the globe.  So I am going to take some time and space here today in order to help these cats and kittens to read, spell, and speak in a more grammatically correct manner.  So to speak.  Excuse the pun.  So what you will see now are some cats using language incorrectly and underneath I will gently correct them.  Sound good?  Sounds good.

Can I have a cheeseburger?

Banker Cat does not approve your loan.  That was almost correct.  Good job.

Can I please have a cheeseburger?  We just went over this one.  It is spelled c-h-e-e-s-e-b-u-r-g-e-r, and there is no such word as "haz."

All people can have cheeseburgers.  What the hell? CHEESEBURGERS!  I just f-ing told you how to spell it.  TWICE!  Pay attention.

BITE MY ASS CAT!  You aren't even trying.  I just told you how to spell "cheeseburger" like four times.  If you can't get it by now you never will.  And you will never, ever get a cheeseburger with that attitude.  You can only have it if you can spell it.  Dumbass.  I'm done.

Apparently feline illiteracy is incurable.  I tried.  Bitch ass cats don't want to learn.