Thursday, January 31, 2013

Cherry Orchard

So here I sit on a Thursday morning, having some breakfast in the Worldwide Headquarters, and I am sort of pissed off.  I am pissed off about why my breakfast feels the need to lie to me.  The apple was pretty honest, although it wasn't as good as it appeared to be from the outside, but I can live with that.  It is the yogurt that is being two-faced.  I am not going to call out the manufacturer, but the flavor is called "cherry orchard;" it does not taste like a cherry orchard.

It does taste like cherries, I will give it that much.  It is cherry flavored yogurt with little bits of cherry in it.  If "cherry flavored yogurt with little bits of cherry in it" is too long to fit on the container, then maybe "double cherry" would have been a better name.  But not "cherry orchard."

This is what my breakfast should taste like
See, a cherry orchard is more than just cherries.  To truly be representative of what a cherry orchard tastes like, this yogurt should have bits of cherries for sure, but also some leves and stems and twigs, a little dirt or maybe a tractor or two.  Because that is what the orchard would taste like.  If you called up Dr. Doofenschmirz and had him big-a-size you, then you went on a rampage across some random American city and stopped to have a break and some lunch and decided to eat a cherry orchard for dessert, you would get all those flavors I talked about above and more.  You would probably get some houses or buildings, and maybe some flowers if they were around.  And if the cherry blossoms were out and the orchard was anything like Washington, D.C., then you would probably get a bunch of tourists and their iPhones as well.

I am not asking a lot out of you, yogurt. I am asking you to at least sort of taste like your name.  I don't care if you don't hit it exactly, okay?  Like when your blueberry pie yogurt doesn't taste like real blueberry pie but it sort of does if you stretch your imagination.  That is okay with me.  But I didn't even stretch the imagination all that much and I was quickly far away from what the yogurt company thought a cherry orchard would taste like.  And I couldn't be more disappointed.

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