Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas Thoughts

    Some anonymous reader told me the other day that I was the "bright spot in [their] day," which I though was one of the nicest unsolicited things that anyone has ever said about me, especially seeing as how I haven't sat down an written a blog for you, Company, in over a month.  Okay, that's a lie.  Just under a month.  Okay, that's a lie.  I have put pen to paper many times in the last month, due to what I feel is the romanticism of the pen scratching across the paper, but at it turns out no matter how hard I wedge those pieces of paper into every available oriface of my computer - the disc drive, the microphone, the firewire port, the USB ports, etc. - it just won't convert itself to a blog.  And I have a Mac, which according to TV are supposed to do just about everything under the sun.  Not that apparently.  So now all of those wonderful recordings of my thoughts, feelings, etc, are lost to the ether since my computer can't convert my handwritten text to a blog through osmosis, and since I can't find an Unpaid Intern around anywhere to do the typing for me.
      I am actually, as I type, sitting here in the empty Gigabyte Systems studio where we used to record the almost-award winning Big Dave and Company Podcast.  Mike-a-licious is away on one of this corporate funded "Technology Retreats" in Hawai'i, and while he is gone I am turning the studio into a giant saltwater aquarium, against his wishes.  That will teach him to go to Hawai'i on the company dime.  So here I am supervising construction and hiding from the Christmas holiday and I thought, maybe I should type out a blog post for a change.
     I will tell you why I dislike the Christmas holiday.  I like many aspects of it, but the ones that I DETEST always outweigh the positives.  First of all, I am sick of Christmas because it has been going on since October.  And we all know my stance regarding the timing of Christmas.  And if you don't, you can read about it here.  So by the time we are months in I am sick of it.  It is like bowling in that it goes on forever and I am afraid that it is going to start next year on like January 8th or something.

      I also hate Christmas shopping.  That is the truth.  If I could get my hands on one of those Staples "Easy Buttons" around Christmastime everyone I know would be getting graph paper or maybe a hole punch.  But not a three-hole punch, this isn't Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  The problem with the Christmas shopping is not the Christmas part, it is more the shopping aspect.  This might surprise you to know that I am a boy, and beyond that I am a boy who does not like shopping.  I do not shop, I buy.  Unless I am purchasing a boat or something.  Then I might shop around.  But in general, I go in with a list of what I want to buy and I buy it and I get the hell out of Dodge.  At 3 AM so there are not a lot of people in the store.  And the store is a 7-11.  But 7-11 gifts don't cut it for the Christmas holiday.  And Boston Store is not open at 3 AM, except for Black Friday and I am usually holed up in a bunker at that time.  I love the giving part (and the receiving part too), but the shopping sucks all of the fun out of the giving for me.  It just makes it a hectic, stressful mess of awfulness.
I would never make my house look like this but I always
hope that one on my block does.
     I do, however, like the lights.  That is one of my favorite parts of the holiday.  I am not a big fan of those who have like fifty moving part decorations all over their lawn.  And I myself go for the understated string of lights on the eve line sort of decorating, but my seceret guilty pleasure is that I love the houses with a million lights on them.  You know, like those people down the block who believe that quantity is the key to winning the neighborhood light contest.  I love that shit.  Clark Griswold's house makes me smile on the inside, even as I appear outwardly upset about the decadence.  The more the better I say - for someone else's house but not for mine - and I believe that the electric company would agree with that sentiment.  I also like that all the small towns and big cities around the area trot out Christmas decorations for their light poles, etc.  In my little town they put giant lit up snowflakes on all of the streetlight poles, including one right in front of my house that is like a giant beacon for people coming to the Worldwide Headquarters, except that there is one on every light pole so you can get them mixed up pretty easily.  But I like it nonetheless.
     Anyway, those are just some thoughts as we move towards the Christmas holiday.  Safe passage to those of you traveling around for the holiday, and thank you to those of you who will have to spend the holiday away working to the rest of us don't have to.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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