Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year 2013

     Since it is New Year's Eve, and if I know you Company you will be drunk pretty quick, we just wanted to jump in and wish you all a safe and enjoyable New Year's Eve, and a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year in 2013 from everyone here at Big Dave and Company to you and yours.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

College Bowl Games We Wish They'd Play

Some time ago, we talked about Christmas movies that we wish they would make.  Well, in that spirit, and since the college football bowl season is in full swing, here are some ideas for five new Bowl games that we wish they would play:

Pins McGee Memorial New Year Holiday Football Extravaganza - This bowl game will be sponsored by the one and only Pins McGee, who is Big Dave's personal bowling coach.  It will feature the second place team from the Sun Belt Conference and the ninth place team from the ACC.  Despite being named after the New Year's holiday, it will be played on December 12th, immediately after the end of the regular season - and will be the bowl played the longest time from actual New Year's Day.  This bowl game will be played in Little Rock, Arkansas, a city which every 20-something athlete dreams of visiting as a reward.

The BCS Major Conference Money Bowl brought to you by MacGregor Athletic Wear- This bowl game exists so 6-6 UCLA can play 7-5 North Carolina State, even though neither of these teams really should be in a bowl game.   This game also exists so that the good folks at MacGregor Athletic Wear can have their name on a bowl game.  This game also exists because ESPN is willing to pay the schools more money than you will make in five years at your job just to show up and play.  It will be held on December 18th at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri, another city where every college football player wants to go as a "reward" for their "good" season.

Fila Presents the Diamond Solar Salt South Pacific Football Classic - This will be the third of three bowl games held annually at Honolulu's Aloha Stadium, a venue that is rarely even filled for the other two.  Featuring the third-highest ranked independent team and the highest-ranked team with a .500 record, the only reason for having this bowl game is so that the administration and boosters of both South Dakota State and South Carolina can go to Hawai'i for free.  This game will be shown on CBS College Sports - which is available on approximately three cable systems nationwide and in parts of central Croatia.

The Fiesta Bowl Play for Pay for Play Bowl - This bowl game was developed by previous Fiesta Bowl administrations that have since been found to have been involved with some major financial violations.  In this game, two teams who have paid the highest amount to the Fiesta Bowl committee get to meet on the last weekend of the regular season.  The winner of the game gets the first opportunity to pay a bribe to the Fiesta Bowl so that the Fiesta Bowl will pick them in the BCS selection process.  This game will be aired exclusively by ESPN2 and marketed as "Brawl for the Bowl."  It will be played at Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, Arizona, the former home of the Fiesta Bowl.

The Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausage All American Football Victory Bowl - This game is played every year in Nashville, Tennessee and features the two Canadian college football teams with the best records.  The game follows Canadian football rules, features Canadian teams, plays the Canadian anthem before the start, and all tickets must be purchased with Canadian dollars.  Interestingly enough, this game is not attended by any of the students, faculty, or boosters of the teams which are playing in it.  100% of the ticket sales go to the Jimmy Dean corporation and the other "corporate champions" who each agree to sponsor one section of the stadium.  It is held in Nashville because their Convention and Visitors Bureau put together the most attractive hotel packages.  This game will be aired by ESPN, unless there is an Ohio State or Oklahoma intrasquad scrimmage being played at the same time.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas, Virginias

Editor's Note: This is my favorite Christmas thing, and it is the most reprinted newspaper editorial of all time.  It is the unsigned editorial of Francis Pharcellus Church of the New York Sun that he published on September 21, 1897 in response to a letter from 8-year old Virginia O'Hanlon, who wanted to know if there really was a Santa Claus because some of her little friends say there was none.

     Virginia, your little friends are wrong.  They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age.  They do not believe except they see.  They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds.  All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little.  In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
     Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.  He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.  Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus.  It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias.  There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.  We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight.  The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
     Not believe in Santa Claus!  You might as well not believe in fairies!  You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove?  Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus.  The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see.  Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn?  Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there.  onbody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
     You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.  Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauth and glory beyond.  Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
     No Santa Claus!  Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever.  A thousdan years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Merry Christmas to all of you and yours, Company.  May your holiday - whatever holiday you chose to observe - be filled with comfort and joy. 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas Thoughts

    Some anonymous reader told me the other day that I was the "bright spot in [their] day," which I though was one of the nicest unsolicited things that anyone has ever said about me, especially seeing as how I haven't sat down an written a blog for you, Company, in over a month.  Okay, that's a lie.  Just under a month.  Okay, that's a lie.  I have put pen to paper many times in the last month, due to what I feel is the romanticism of the pen scratching across the paper, but at it turns out no matter how hard I wedge those pieces of paper into every available oriface of my computer - the disc drive, the microphone, the firewire port, the USB ports, etc. - it just won't convert itself to a blog.  And I have a Mac, which according to TV are supposed to do just about everything under the sun.  Not that apparently.  So now all of those wonderful recordings of my thoughts, feelings, etc, are lost to the ether since my computer can't convert my handwritten text to a blog through osmosis, and since I can't find an Unpaid Intern around anywhere to do the typing for me.
      I am actually, as I type, sitting here in the empty Gigabyte Systems studio where we used to record the almost-award winning Big Dave and Company Podcast.  Mike-a-licious is away on one of this corporate funded "Technology Retreats" in Hawai'i, and while he is gone I am turning the studio into a giant saltwater aquarium, against his wishes.  That will teach him to go to Hawai'i on the company dime.  So here I am supervising construction and hiding from the Christmas holiday and I thought, maybe I should type out a blog post for a change.
     I will tell you why I dislike the Christmas holiday.  I like many aspects of it, but the ones that I DETEST always outweigh the positives.  First of all, I am sick of Christmas because it has been going on since October.  And we all know my stance regarding the timing of Christmas.  And if you don't, you can read about it here.  So by the time we are months in I am sick of it.  It is like bowling in that it goes on forever and I am afraid that it is going to start next year on like January 8th or something.

      I also hate Christmas shopping.  That is the truth.  If I could get my hands on one of those Staples "Easy Buttons" around Christmastime everyone I know would be getting graph paper or maybe a hole punch.  But not a three-hole punch, this isn't Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  The problem with the Christmas shopping is not the Christmas part, it is more the shopping aspect.  This might surprise you to know that I am a boy, and beyond that I am a boy who does not like shopping.  I do not shop, I buy.  Unless I am purchasing a boat or something.  Then I might shop around.  But in general, I go in with a list of what I want to buy and I buy it and I get the hell out of Dodge.  At 3 AM so there are not a lot of people in the store.  And the store is a 7-11.  But 7-11 gifts don't cut it for the Christmas holiday.  And Boston Store is not open at 3 AM, except for Black Friday and I am usually holed up in a bunker at that time.  I love the giving part (and the receiving part too), but the shopping sucks all of the fun out of the giving for me.  It just makes it a hectic, stressful mess of awfulness.
I would never make my house look like this but I always
hope that one on my block does.
     I do, however, like the lights.  That is one of my favorite parts of the holiday.  I am not a big fan of those who have like fifty moving part decorations all over their lawn.  And I myself go for the understated string of lights on the eve line sort of decorating, but my seceret guilty pleasure is that I love the houses with a million lights on them.  You know, like those people down the block who believe that quantity is the key to winning the neighborhood light contest.  I love that shit.  Clark Griswold's house makes me smile on the inside, even as I appear outwardly upset about the decadence.  The more the better I say - for someone else's house but not for mine - and I believe that the electric company would agree with that sentiment.  I also like that all the small towns and big cities around the area trot out Christmas decorations for their light poles, etc.  In my little town they put giant lit up snowflakes on all of the streetlight poles, including one right in front of my house that is like a giant beacon for people coming to the Worldwide Headquarters, except that there is one on every light pole so you can get them mixed up pretty easily.  But I like it nonetheless.
     Anyway, those are just some thoughts as we move towards the Christmas holiday.  Safe passage to those of you traveling around for the holiday, and thank you to those of you who will have to spend the holiday away working to the rest of us don't have to.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!