Sunday, September 09, 2012

The Oval of Insanity

     As people in the Western world became more and more enamored with the automobile, a problem developed regarding the license plates on all the cars that we were driving, especially in Europe, where there are approximately 38,000 separate countries crammed into an area approximately the size of Wyoming.  That might be a bit of exaggeration, but you get the point.  What was happening over there was that authorities were having trouble identifying where motorists were from because most of the countries had really similar looking license plates.  So somewhere along the way at the United Nations they got together and enacted the Conventions on Road Traffic that required that motorists put these oval nationality stickers on the back of their cars that had a unique code for their country of origin if they are going to travel from nation to nation.  If you were from Germany you had one with a "D", from Poland a "PL", or "BC" if you were from the Belgian Congo.  Now, these were exceedingly rare in the US, okay?  Mostly because most of us only went to Canada, if anywhere, and we all had unique license plates on our vehicles issued by the state we lived in.  But in Europe they were all over.
     Well now they are all over here - sort of - and I couldn't be more pissed off about it.  It began over here mostly with Volkswagens.  There was always some douche supreme who had one with a "D" on it on their Diesel Rabbit, or some idiot with a VW Bus that had it because they thought they were cool and they were cultured and progressive and European when really they were just unemployed and pretentious.  And then there was the guy with the BMW who had the Euro-style plate on the front and the oval sticker on the back.  And then it happened.  Someone decided to put a cheeky code in it for a vacation destination.  Now they are everywhere.
     The first one that I noticed with regularity was "OBX" for the Outer Banks of North Carolina, so I am going to blame the Outer Banks for this utterly stupid fucking fad of putting a million of these things on the back of your Suburban or Outback or whatever.  I don't give a flying fuck about the fact that you have been to Lake Superior, so I don't need to see a while oval with "LS" on the back of your car, especially since officially "LS" denotes that you are from Lesotho, and has been since 1967.  I don't care that you have "NYC" in an oval because you think New York is neat, even though you have never been there, or that you have a "VT" sticker because you either live in Vermont or go to Virginia Tech.  Or that you went past a place in Duluth once that sold them so you bought one that says "BWCA" because you like the Boundary Waters Canoe Area.
     No, it is just fucking retarded, Company.  And that is the end of it.  Just retarded.  Take them off of your cars because that is not what they are meant for.  They are actually wrong for a whole lot of reasons.  First, because they do not denote nationality as INTERNATIONAL LAW SAYS THEY SHOULD.  Actually, I am a little disappointed that you did not figure that part out on your own, Company.  Maybe you should cut down on the Mountain Dew.  Second, they are meant to denote to place of origin, NOT NEAT PLACES YOU HAVE VISITED.  All you people have it fucking backwards.  You put one with "JH" on it because you spent a week in Jackson's Hole one time, when really your should have one that says "TP" because you are an idiot who lives in Tinley Park, Illinois, and because you deserve to be wrapped in toilet paper and lit on fire.  Third, they are just stupid and look idiotic.  So stop buying them.  And if you own a shop in a touristy place stop selling them.  It is wrong and lame for so many reasons.  And it makes me really confused as to what country you are from.

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