Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Faux Badass

     Have you ever done something that was totally okay but felt totally naughty?  Yeah, I have too.  I did it just the other day.  It's badass.  Well, not really.  It is not badass at all because the thing that you are doing is totally okay, but it FEELS badass.  It TOTALLY feels badass.
     The not-really-badass thing that I did just the other day was to go out to lunch on a weekday.  I had the Unpaid Interns do hours of tedious and exhaustive research while I was out wakeboarding, and they told me when I woke up the next morning that there is nowhere in the world where going out to lunch on a weekday is an illegal activity - with the exception maybe of North Korea and Evansville, Indiana.  They also told me that lots of people go out to eat for lunch all the time, and in fact in some cultures it is actually considered polite to go out to lunch when being involved in a business deal.  Fascinating.  I did not know that.
     Actually, I did know that.  I love to go out for lunch during the week because it feels totally naughty and totally badass.  Let me explain - for many years I was in school, and when you are in school you don't get to go out for lunch at a restaurant very often.  Then I was in college and I was too poor to go out unless it was to the commissary.  Then - immediately after college - I became a media mogul.  And as a media mogul from like  8 AM - 6 PM every day I am making deals to buy and sell companies, or producing awesome entertainment acts, or monitoring happenings at my metal foundary, or otherwise taking care of business.  None of that is true, but you get the point.  Usually, on Monday or Wednesday or even a Tuesday I am busy, and while I get a lunch I certainly don't get enough time to go out and sit down at a restaurant and eat it.  So when I walk in to a friendly local eatery on a Thursday and have lunch, it's kind of a big deal for me.
     I know that it is not a big deal, but it is a big deal FOR ME.  It is not something that life usually allows me to do so it feels like I am being a really big badass when I am doing it.  Let me give you a for instance to allow you to understand.  Let's pretend that you are a pimple-faced teenager who has no friends and pretty strict parents, and that your curfew is 10:00 PM.  But on Friday night, the Burger Barn in which you work is having a super late nite special because the fireworks are going on.  So you get to be out until midnight because that is how late you have to work.  When you come home late at night and you walk in and microwave yourself a Hot Pocket in the early hours of the AM, you feel like a total badass.  You are not a badass because you came home from work after midnight any more than I am a badass for eating lunch at a restaurant in the middle of the day in the middle of the week, but you FEEL like it because you are not usually able to do that.
     So that is that.  It is faux-basassness, if that is word.  If it isn't then it is now.  And it is really a thing.  You will know it when it happens to you.  Then you will understand.  Then you will be a badass.  Well, not really, but you will know what I mean.

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