Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Cops: Behind the Scenes

     Almost every night I sit down in my comfortable recliner and I watch the greatest of all American television traditions: Cops.  This is why I seem to write about it so often.  Or at least it seems like I talk about it so often.  Anyway, I got to thinking about the show when I was sitting around yesterday and waiting for my ride to pick me up. That's when a friendly local sheriff's deputy pulled into the parking lot of the Worldwide Headquarters to attend to a motorist who had hit a deer on the highway.
      He came cruising in for really no reason.  The man who hit the deer had called the police, but he probably didn't need to.  His car was fine.  It was running fine, or so it seemed.  All the lights and safety devices were working properly.  The deputy came in, looked at the hood, checked the lights, talked to the guy for a couple of minutes and they both went on their merry ways.  I watched this whole encounted go down and the first thought that popped into my mind as it was over was "Wow, it must be boring as hell to be a Cops cameraman."
A cameraman probably rode around with Albuquerque police
for days before this guy finally stumbled into his lens.
     Just think about it, Company.  I know that at first glance it looks awfully exciting, right?  Tooling around in squad cars or undercover vehicles, chasing police chasing criminals through dangerous urban neighborhoods.  Begging recently arrested people to sign consent forms.  But that is just the highlights.  For every exciting call that a Cops cameraman or camerawoman goes on they have to go on like a thousand that are boring as shit.  Time after time after time they have to get out of the car, hoist up the camera, and go film Deputy Dawg doing a routine traffic stop where the guy has a valid license, no drugs or paraphanalia are found in the car, and he gets off with a warning.  And that never makes the show.
See..this certainly looks super exciting.  Oh wait, no it doesn't.
      How boring would that be?  I mean, I know that you've generally got to go through a lot of shit before you find a diamond, buthow many S-10's with a burnt out taillight do you think the Cops camerapeople have to pull over before someone gets out all hopped up on methamphetamines with no pants on and goes running into someone's backyard?  Tons.  That is why you sometimes get REALLY BORING episodes of Cops, like when they roll up to a domestic dispute at an apartment they've been to a million times and the girl and the guy were just arguing and they obviously don't like each other much but they won't split and they won't press charges.  That is because they rode around Amarillo ALL DAY LONG and nothing else of note happened.
      And that happens day after day after day.  It cannot be glamourous.  It is probably not very fun.  And it most certainly not super exciting.  Think about all the police movies that you have ever seen where the characters are having a stakeout, and there is always that star witness that has to be along on the stakeout with them, and all you ever hear the witness complaining about is the fact that the stakeout is boring.  Street patrol is just like a moving stakeout.  It is not that fun.  So you know it has to be boring as shit.  And you will agree once you think about it.  Bitch.

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