Thursday, March 15, 2012

Can't See the Forest for the Trees

     So I spent a short amount of time yesterday afternoon - about an hour and a half - raking a portion of the yard at my palatial country estate.  I just recently purchased "The Bluff" as I have named it (in the classical tradition) and I think that the previous owners neglected to do a lot of simple maintenance.  Scratch that, I know that the previous owners neglected to do a lot of simple maintenance.  The point is that there was like 5 years of accumulated crap in the yard - mostly in the form of pine needles.  I actually cleared approximately 7 wheelbarrows full of needles from like a 20x30 foot area.  This is because there is nothing but large firs and jackpines on the property.  Keep that in mind when I tell you what I did yesterday morning.

These are just going to fall all over the damn place
so I have to rake them up every spring and fall.
      Yesterday morning I was all excited to fill out a survey from the Arbor Day Foundation.  It was asking mostly about trees, as would be expected, but if offered all sorts of neat prizes for filling it out and sending it in, and even more for sending in a small contribution.  So I filled out the survey and wrote a $10 check so that I could get a coupon for 10 free Colorado Blue Spruce trees.
      What the hell did I do that for?  Hmmmm?  Somebody out there explain that to me please, will you, Company?  I had to go later in the day and spend God knows how long raking my ass off to clear giant mounds of pine trees off the property, but here I am forking over for a free coupon to get TEN MORE FUCKING PINE TREES!  What the hell is up with that?  I can't even begin to handle that shit.
      What am I going to do with ten more pine trees?  First of all, I don't have room on The Bluff for ten more pine trees.  All that planting of spruce trees would really just cover up the small amount of existing grass that I have on the property, which I guess would really cut down on my lawn mowing.  But there just aren't places to put them.  Secondly, all I would be doing is adding an unGodly amount to my pine needle woes.  That much more raking, and that much more acidity in the soil to kill off that little bit of grass that we were talking about.
      So why would I do that?  Why would I apply for such a thing?  It says an awful lot about the mindset of modern American society when I will make a donation so I can get ten free things that I don't really want or need.  I should have just politely said no thank you, but instead here I am filling out a check (Arbor Day, in my book, is a good cause so I don't mind giving them a small donation, but really I did it for the trees) and putting in the envelope coupons for free trees and lilac bushes and Arbor Day magazines and an entry into a drawing for a year's worth of coffee. I have brewed coffee in my house once in the last three months and we have two - not one but TWO - cans of coffee at my house right now.  So that year's supply will last me for approximately a lifetime and a half.  The magazines will be leafed through and put into the recycling bin - just one more thing to be hauled to the transfer site.  The lilacs would actually work well on The Bluff, but to be honest I can get lilacs from other places for totally free.  And we have already been over the spruce trees.  DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.

No comments: