Friday, October 28, 2011

Man in Tights

      Tomorrow, as a part of my costume for a Halloween party, I am going to put on a pair of bright, fire-engine red tights.  I tried them on tonight and it is an awfully tight fit.  And so needless to say, I am worried.
      First of all, I have never worn tights before in my life, at least not that I remember.  And as such, I am not familiar with the protocol for wearing them around.  I had to ask my Baby Doll what to wear under them, because I was worried about...I don't know how to say this delicately...I was worried about how my junk would show.  I was worried that you would be able to see through the fabric or maybe it would just be ultra-tight and I just didn't know.  I was extra worried when she told me that you don't wear anything under the tights, and I actually modified my costume in order to keep some unfortunate individuals from seeing some very unfortunate sights.
      So yeah...tights.  It is going to happen.  And no, I am not going to give you any pictures.  I am not even going to give you one of those artists' renderings like they do when they don't allow cameras in the courtroom.  Nothing for you.  You don't want to see it anyway, okay?  Just trust me.  But I am going to do it.  I am nervous, but not scared of the tights.  I will defeat them, or at least go down swinging.  Although, with those tights being as tight as they are, I doubt anything will be swinging anywhere.  But I digress.  I hope that everyone has a happy and healthy and safe Halloween, whatever you are doing.  And please remember to make your kids say "Trick or Treat" when they ring a doorbell.  I don't want to have to go off on you like I did last year.

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