Saturday, September 17, 2011

Bikers?

     So, there is a big motorcycle ride going on in my area, in which people who own motorcycles (in addition to BMW SUV's) and fancy themselves bikers, as well as some people who are true and bona-fide bikers, drive up from their cities and suburbs and just waste gas tooling around and getting drunk and somehow they give money to charity.  But anyway, I have been seeing them all over the place at the bars and restaurants and around town and going down the highway and I have noticed that a lot of them have three wheels.  I don't know why all these people are buying the three-wheeled versions, like if they want to think they are badass but they are afraid of getting hurt on three wheels, or maybe they have a lot of stuff they feel they need to carry or what, but all these people are buying these "trikes" and hanging around with all these bikers and Harley riders and whatnot.  But that leads me to pose this question:  If you are riding something with three wheels are you still a biker?
If you ride this you are not a biker, end of story.
     Don't worry about considering that questions because I am going to tell you the only correct answer: No.  You are not a biker.  You are a triker.  I don't care if you are wearing all the leather and Harley-Davidson gear and walking and talking like one, you are not a biker.  I know what you are going to say..."If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck."  And that is a great colloquial saying - you might even be able to consider it a proverb - but the thing is that not all proverbs are always right.  You might look like a biker, and you might talk like a biker, but if you walk out of the Shell and help your ladyfriend onto something with three wheels, well then you are not a biker my friend.  You are a triker if anything, but I would contend that you are actually a blatant poser.  And if I were a real biker - on two wheels and always concerned that I am going to hit a patch of oil or get run over by a car driver who didn't see me, I would just be angry at you and your giant, three-wheeled, bright yellow, motorcycle-wanna-be whatever it is.
     So there you go.  That is it.  You can be proud to be a triker, and be excited to be driving around as a triker, and that is fine.  Be proud of what you are.  But don't try to pass yourself off as a biker when you have three wheels on your vehicle.  That is just how it has to be.  Sorry.

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