Wednesday, August 10, 2011

25 Answers to Questions

So, the other day, in bestowing an award upon me, Barsola said that I had once written a post about one of her posts and she was honored by that.  So when I saw the wrote a post with a bunch of questions, I thought I would do it again and go ahead and answer them.  With hilarious answers.  So here goes, with her original questions in bold so you don't have keep flipping back and forth all the damn time:

1.)  Do you have any pets?  Yes, I call them the Unpaid Interns and they suck like a street-corner whore.

2.)  Name three things that are physically close to you: The couch, my computer, and a million billion atoms of oxygen and nitrogen.

3.)  What is the weather like right now?  I don't fucking know.  The window is way across the room.  You have a computer, why don't you go find out for yourself there, Indiana Jones.

4.)  Do you drive?  If so have you crashed?  Fuck yes.  I drive all the time and I crash into everything because I am cheap and won't get my brakes fixed so now I have to run into things to stop like I am Fletch or something.

5.)  What time did you wake up this morning?  6:45, 6:54, and 7:03.  Then again once I had some coffee around 9:00.

6.)  When was the last time you showered?  What the hell kind of question is this?  Is this like you wanting to watch me in the shower but being too lazy to come peep in the window?  For your information it was this morning.  Or maybe it wasn't.  You will never know because you won't come watch me shower.

7.)  What was the last movie you saw?  I was driving down the freeway the other day, and I drove next to this SUV for like 70 miles and they were watching Wet, Hot, American Summer on those little screens that everyone has in their cars since they don't want to have to talk to their children anymore.

8.)  What does your last text message say?  Sorry, you're gonna need a warrant to get a hold of that one.  B-yatch.

9.)  What is the last book you read?  Read, or am currently reading?  It says read, so the last book I read was called The Trouble With Tom by Tom Collins.  Sorry, Paul Collins.  I am very drunk on Tom Collins's right now.

10.)  Have you ever been to a different country?  Yes.  Next question.

11.)  Do you like sushi?  I don't, but I have never had it.  I don't like sushi because I think it is always mocking me with its being wrapped in seaweed and its being uncooked, although I think all the Tom Collins's has a little something to do with those feelings.

12.)  Where do you buy your groceries?  I don't buy groceries.  I get all my sustinance by stealing the lunches of the Unpaid Interns and other people who are waiting at the friendly local bus stop.  Also, the Tom Collins's.

13.)  Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?  Hell yeah.  Tom Collins's.  Also sleepy time pills.  But usually a half hour or so of the Lifetime network does the trick.

14.)  How many siblings do you have?  One.

15.)  Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?  I have two laptops: one Mac and one IBM, because I am down with the swirl.

16.)  Where do you live?  In an apartment like many other Americans.  In England it would be called a "flat," except that it is half a duplex, so it probably wouldn't be.

17.)  Do you wear contacts or glasses?  Yes to both.  I wear reading glasses even though I don't need them because glasses are super cool, so then I have to wear contacts to counteract the reading glasses.  I don't just wear glasses with non-prescription lenses because that is what you would want me to do.  And I am too cool to do that.

18.)  Do you color your hair?  Nope, because most of it has long since retired and moved south.  I do, however, sometimes take a Crayola marker to my bald head though.

19.)  Tell me something that you are planning to do today.  That is not a question, that is a command.  Regardless, I am going to tell you that I am going to go to sleep eventually, which still counts as something to do.

20.)  When was the last time you cried?  I am desperately wanting to cry right now, because this whole contact lens/glasses routine has made my contacts really, really dry.  Also, I am out of Tom Collins mix.  Oh, and I have just realized that I am still five questions away from being done and I am hitting the wall.

21.)  What is your perfect pizza topping?  Ham, pineapple, onion and tomato.  And it's extra good because you don't like it.

22.)  Which do you prefer - hamburgers or cheeseburgers?  Cheeseburgers because they are just better and at least they have what is on them in their name.  How much ham is in the average hamburger?

23.)  Have you ever had an all-nighter?  Lots of times.  I have had them both for fun and for work.  The fun ones are usually a lot better.  I have also never done one for school.  In fact, I think that I only cracked a book to study maybe one time all my days in college, and now I am a media mogul.  So suck it CalTech.

24.)  What is your eye color?  Well, I can't see my own eyes and in every photo ever taken of me they are red.  So red I guess.

25.)  Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?  Yes, yes I can.  And given the choice I will choose "Cola: brand Cola every time.  Coke comes second to that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Are you blog stalking me? :)