Monday, July 11, 2011

Right in the Left Eye

    So Company, you may have noticed that we have been strangely silent for the last couple of days.  Basically, all of the weekend.  Now it wasn't because I was off cavorting around doing stupid shit - even though I was off cavorting around doing stupid shit - that I wasn't around.  It was because I managed to give myself what was an ultimately minor eye injury.  Let me tell you all about it.
     I was at a friend's house, and I had a problem with the contact lens in my left eye.  My left eye as I would call it, if you were looking me directly in my face you would call it my right eye.  But we are going to call it my left eye for our purposes today.  So anyway, I had something disturbing my left contact - like an eyelash or something - so I went to take care of it.  I popped the contact out on my way to the bathroom, and since I knew that someone in the house had contacts I figured I would just kife a little bit of saline solution in order to put my contact back in my eye.  So I went in there with contact in hand, blind in one eye, and I reached for what I assumed was the saline solution.
     In my defense, it looked like a bottle of saline solution.  And it was in the location where I would keep saline solution if that had been my house.  So I grabbed it and didn't think twice and just poured it on my contact and stuck the lens in my eye.
My eye was a billion times worse than this.
      Except it wasn't saline solution.  It was that soak-for-six-hours cleaning enzyme solution that explicitly says on the bottle "Do not squirt directly into eye" and "Do not rinse contact immediately before putting in eye."  And I squirted it directly into my eye and rinsed my contact lens in it immediately before putting it in my eye.  It was the worst pain I could remember having.  It burned in ways that made me feel like parts of my eye were burning away.  My eye immediately clamped shut and began to water.  And when I mean water, I mean pour tears all over my face.  I mean that my eye was creating so many tears that it caused me to drool into the sink.  I had to pry my eyelid open to extract the lens, and even then it didn't want to come out. I rinsed twice with saline (once I got my hands on some) and that didn't even help.  It was brutal, and I looked like I had been up for 27 hours straight, but only half of me, and the other half looked well rested.
      So needless to say that I was in glasses for a couple of days, and that I was on a strict self-prescribed regimen of over the counter eye drops, and that seems to have done the trick.  But the combination of bad eye and glasses have made a computer-unfriendly situation around me the last few days.  Such is life.  I hope you survived.  I was going to assign some writing to the Unpaid Interns but they suck, so I decided just to post nothing instead.  No big deal.  But that was my ordeal, and I am pretty much all better now, so we can get on with business.  How does that sound?  I thought so too.  Happy Monday, Company!

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