Saturday, July 23, 2011

An Open Letter to the Chick Walking Down the Highway

Dear Chick Walking Down the Highway,

    What's going on?  Where...uh...where are you going?  I guess that I ask because you basically make no sense.  First of all, you are literally from anything useful - any cell phone tower, any continually occupied home, anywhere with electricity - in a place where one sees no one walking.  Unless of course their car broke down.  I didn't see any broken down cars around unless it happened on one of the side roads.  But then again, you aren't looking like someone who isn't from around here who has just broken down in the middle of the forest five miles from everything.
     Oh that's right, you aren't from around here.  I can tell because a.) you don't look like you are from around here and b.) you aren't acting like you are from around here.  I am going to go ahead and throw this one out there: you look like a tourist.  You are pretty attractive, you are dressed like someone who is on vacation, and you are walking down the road like you are trying to get somewhere.  You aren't trying to flag down any of the cars going either way to help you or give you a ride.  You are actually kind of walking like you are doing it on purpose.  Maybe you walked away from your parents' camper or resort cottage on the lake and are in a little deeper than you thought you would be.  Or maybe you got out of your boyfriend's car because he pissed you off and you didn't realize how far from town you really are.  And you are not carrying a purse or anything, which I suppose is okay.  But you are definitely not right. 
     Not that you are mentally unbalanced or anything, but you just don't fit the scene.  Like, if this whole area were a bowl of apples, you would be a big, fat, juicy Valencia orange stuck right in the middle.  I don't know who you are, where you are from, how you got there, or what you are exactly doing, but I like to speculate and I can think of a million billion different scenarios.  If I were a betting man, however, I would probably pick one of the scenarios that I have just laid out.
      In any event, I hope you got wherever you were going somehow, and were able to at least enjoy part of your day.  i know I enjoyed my day.  And I didn't have to walk miles along a lonely highway watching car after car after car go whizzing by.  I suppose that it isn't such a lonely highway then, is it?  But it still sucks to be you.


- Big Dave

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