Friday, July 15, 2011

Goodbye Harry

   So, apparently there is another one of the those Harry Potter movies out and it is the last one, and I just wanted everyone to know that I am happy as hell about that.
     Somewhere along the way I went to see a Harry Potter movie and as I remember it wasn't all so bad.  But that was about 914 movies ago.  Somewhere between then and now J.K. Rowling and whomever she is in league with decided that they were going to try and break the Star Wars record for most movies made in a series (and I am not counting porn here because every porn film is automatically at least number 8 in a series - it's never "Hose Me Down With Semen" it's always "Hose Me Down With Semen 27" and no one can ever track down the first film in the series so porn will always win this competition) and just kept going, long after the girl grew breasts and Harry became an alcoholic.  And so here we are, with roughly eleventy billion people standing in approximately 570,000 lines around the world to see a movie that is apparently numbered the same way that software updates are: 7.2.
     Let me suggest a title for you, since there is always a dumbass title to go with it: "Harry Potter and the I Don't Fucking Give A Shit Anymore."  I feel that is a good title for whatever movie this is in the series.  Because I think that is how most of us in the world feel about this sort of thing, with the obvious exception of those eleventy billion people.  All those eleventy billion people.  I am sure that those are the same eleventy billion people who complain about all the sports that I like so well.  And that is fair.  They can be just as passionately annoyed by my interests as I am by theirs.  It is such a wonderful thing this life, isn't it?
      So anyway, long story short I am glad that Harry Potter is going away.  Far, far away, since the nearest video store is probably not located nearby any longer.  That is because there aren't many video stores left anymore, get it?  Anyway, Harry Potter will be gone once everyone sees the last installment sixteen or seventeen times and then this long national nightmare will be over.  At least until the Twilight folks decide that they are going to take a shot at the record and we end up with 40-year-old vampires and lines for that.  I can't fucking wait.

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