Thursday, July 07, 2011

By the Seat of My Pants

     By the seat of my pants.  That is how I do a lot of things.  By the seat of my pants, and I am not speaking metaphorically.  I am speaking literally: whenever I do something sitting down I am doing it by the seat of my pants.  The one thing that I have been doing a little bit more lately by the seat of my pants is bicycling.  That is until the seat that the seat of my pants sits on went bust.
      I don't know if I have ever told you about this before, Company, but my bike is sort of a piece of shit.  I got it for free from Mike-a-licious when my other one got stolen, and it looks a little bit odd since it is bright yellow with neon pink quick connections for the tires and seat and handlebars, and really worn and leaky tires.  It is not great but it is big, which is good for me since I am Big Dave.  Anyway, I was riding around on a hot July night - when there were people and cars everywhere - and I was really enjoying it.  But I kept hearing this creaking sound and I was wondering what was breaking on my bike now.  I was sort of thinking pedals in some way, shape, or form.  But nope.  We stopped, and I was a little saddle sore, so I got off.  That's when I noticed that my seat was not where it was supposed to be.
      It was a little cock-eye folded over askew to the left, and a quick check enabled me to ascertain that the supports under the once high end seat had broken.  Well, one had broken and one had sort of just been bent the shit out of.  So that was that.  Now I am in the market for a bicycle seat, and man are those things expensive.
     Heavy duty seats run like a hundred bucks.  I was told that the friendly local bicycle store has them for fifty.  I am sure that the Wal-Mart has them for like twenty, but they will fold like a nervous guy playing poker.  They just won't do, and I can't ride my bike without a seat.  That being said, I believe that I have found a hip and elegant solution:
BANANA SEAT.  That's right.  This one has flames on it.  I am just going to go all Marsha Brady and mount a fucking banana seat to the old bright yellow Brazos.  I will most likely be comfortable.  It will most likely be broken again in like ten minutes because the bike isn't designed for it.  It will definitely be super cool at all times.   Then people will really know me when I am going around town, although I don't suppose that they will know me in a good way.  They will know me in the sort of way that makes them want to run me down with their cars.
     But I don't care.  I just don't.  Banana seat is the answer.  Then the seat of my pants will always be seated in style.

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