1.) He will rappel or somersault through your living room window while you are eating cereal and watching The Today Show, because Officer Butt Hansen doesn't need the cover of darkness to pull off that shit.
2.) You will receive a letter in the mail informing you that you are the grand prize winner in the "Win A Date With Dik Manchorp" contest, which will include a picture of a shirtless Dik Manchorp. You will get very excited, and when you go to claim your prize you will find only Officer Butt Hansen and a pair of handcuffs. And justice.
|Officer Butt Hansen and you. If you were Santa Claus that is.|
4.) Officer Butt Hansen will break into your locked car, pop the hood, and jam open your EGV valve. Then, when your car isn't running right, and you take it to the mechanic, he will ask you to take a ride so that you can show him what it wrong. After about ten minutes, he will ask you if he can drive so he can feel better how the car is working. Except it's not the mechanic, it is Officer Butt Hansen incognito as the mechanic. He will drive you to the police station instead of the repair shop, and then he and his cronies will whisk you inside to your arraignment. He will then put a bumper sticker on your car that says "My other car is a jail cell because I am a deadbeat criminal" and fix you EGV valve before your car is returned to you from the impound lot with thousands of dollars of impound fees.
5.) Officer Butt Hansen will be at the hot dog vendor's cart ordering a tasty Polish sausage when you make the illegal right where there is a "no turn on red" sign. He will then arrest you. What the hell did you expect to happen, what with you all doing illegal things right in front of the cops? Get real.