Monday, June 06, 2011

Ode to My Air Conditioner

     Oh faithful air conditioner, how can I adequately express my gratitude to you?  You are just a small thing - no more than the size of a window air conditioner - and you are attached the window of my extra bedroom by nothing more than hopes, dreams, plexiglass, nuts, bolts, bailing wire, silly putty, bondo, precisely nine multi-colored bendy straws, and a little bit of luck.  Oh, and a deep disrespect for the laws of gravity.  But anyway, there you are, chugging away, making all sorts of noises that make me think you aren't draining water away properly, and making my little corner of the Worldwide Headquarters liveable when the heat is on.
       Your small size and stature belie your abilities, especially when I don't have to pay the electric bill.  Crank your thermostat down to 63º and let the fan loose on full throttle, and you can cool my whole section to a liveable level, even with the curtains open and the oven on.  At night, with the demon sun safely tucked away below the horizon, even on low you will make the bedroom cool enough that I can pretend it is winter and snuggle down under seven blankets and a pair of sheets.  And you can do it on low so that I only have to wear two pairs of earmuffs in order to fall asleep, which is fine because you keep it so cool I should have something to protect my ears anyway.
     So here is to you, air conditioner.  You make my live much more bearable, and you do the same for the lives of those around me, because when I am hot and sweaty I am sort of a whiny asshole bitch.  Despite your small size, you are able to do an amazing amount of things with an unlimited supply of electricity.  I know that I probably don't need you in my life, and I that I could probably live without you.  But that begs the question: would I really want to?  I think not.

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