Thursday, June 02, 2011

Gone to the Birds

     Okay, seriously Company, what is with your crazy obsession with birds?
     I mean, birds are fine, and I am pretty impressed that they can fly, and I suppose that I could understand that you would like them, but I think that maybe you have crossed the line into like, creepy obsession.
     First of all, you have a lot more bird stuff than you have birds.  Seriously.  You have like seven different bird cages but you only have three birds, and two of them live in the same cage.  With their wings clipped.  So what, do you like, not use the white cage after Labor Day?  I don't get it.  It seems to me that maybe the two cages would do you, with maybe one other as a backup.  But seven? SEVEN?  Seven of them, all fully equipped with feeding bowls and perches and lots of little toys.  I think that is a little bit loony.  Maybe if you kept them in the basement instead of the living room it wouldn't be all that bad.
    And then there is the crap...I mean memorabilia.  Or keepsakes.  Or collectibles.  No wait, I mean crap.  Retarded shit.  I mean, there are birds on the walls, birds on the plates, birds on the wallpaper AND the curtains, and I am sure that if you could have found bird carpeting you would have that shit down there too.  I mean, how many pictures of orioles can one person have in their home?  And this hi-ball with a parakeet on it?  Priceless, in that no one would ever pay any price for this except for you.  There are even little birdies on your toilet paper roller.  That's right, the little thing that is inside your toilet paper roll has birds on it, for all the time you see it and need to look at the fucking birds.
     So cool it with the birds, okay Company?  I mean, your living room looks like the living room of the chick in the movie Dodgeball, but with birds instead of unicorns.  It is okay to like something, but just maybe try to broaden your horizons a little bit and take up another interest.  Like stamp collecting or NASCAR.  That would be cool.  Just something other than the birds.

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