So, according to some crackpot retard televangelist the world is going to end tomorrow. I am here to tell you that isn't going to happen.
There are so many reasons. First of all is that I have a lot of shit going on tomorrow, like running a rummage sale, babysitting some kids, and taking in the recycling. Also, I have to go out of town next week and I am pretty sure that the world is going to end with that kind of stuff happening.
There are so many other reasons too. First of all, no one that you know has ever heard of Harold Camping or his Christian radio network known as Family Radio Worldwide before today. And so in the couple of weeks leading up to today he has got a lot, and I mean a lot, of free publicity. Just for being him. Just for saying that he sat down with a giant Sherlock Holmes-type magnifying glass, a Bible, and a calculator and he has figured out that the world is going to end today. A lot of sudden publicity for a radio network that no one has every heard of and that solicits donations, right?
Speaking of donations, Camping is taking donations for his radio network beyond tomorrow. My question is this: if the Rapture is going to occur tomorrow and the world in going to implode in October-ish then why the hell do they need donations? Someone please explain that to me, because I just don't understand. I hope someone has asked Mr. or Rev. or Whatever Camping that questions, because I would love to hear his answer. I wonder if salvation is part of it.
Third of all, he has predicted this wrong before. He once said that September 6, 1994 would be the Rapture and end of the world and he was dead wrong. I know that because today is May 20, 2011 and nothing of the sorts has happened. If it had I wouldn't be stuffed up from the pollen and up to my asshole in debt. Because the world would be over. But - and I will repeat this again - IT IS NOT! Because Camping was wrong. He blamed this on a calculation error or something, like maybe he was using a metric slide rule or something, but this time he assures us that he is right. And he was nice enough to wait until like last month to say something.
And of course, let's not forget that everyone from the Mayans to Dr. J are predicting that the world in going to end in 2012 like in December or something, just in time to screw us out of Christmas. And there are a lot of people with a lot of strong evidence (supposedly) that have been screaming about it for a long time, that I tend to believe that if it were going to end anytime it would be then.
The whole point is - of course - that the Rapture is most likely not going to happen tomorrow. No wait, none of this "most likely" shit, it is just not going to happen. The world is not going to end in October. He is wrong. Harold Camping is wrong. Chalk it up to a computing error or maybe he read a passage wrong, I don't know. But I don't believe he is right. The birds are still chirping. The animals are acting normal. I have shit to do. Life will go on.