Thursday, May 19, 2011

From Russia With Love

    You all know about Roswell, New Mexico.  Right, Company?  Not that it is the seat of Chaves County, or that it is a center for farming, ranching, and petroleum production, and that it is home to one of the world's largest mozzerella factories.  Or even that it is the home of the New Mexico Military Institute and the Demi Moore was born there.  You know it because in 1947 it is alleged that an Unidentified Flying Object landed somewhere near town, was scooped up by the governement, and taken to Area 51 for whatever it is governments do with UFOs.
     Well, there is a new book about this incident (and believe me that there have been a lot of books and papers and probably even leaflets written about it over the years) that has just come out and it has a fresh and new theory about what exactly fell to Earth on the Foster homestead north of town.  Annie Jacobsen has written a new book appropriately titled Area 51, in which she postulates that what was captured that day by the US Army was actually a Soviet spy plane that crashed in a storm.
     So far so good.  This to me, is a completely reasonable concolusion, and to me seems more plausible than a craft from outer space crashing down in the American Southwest.  Let's be honest, the Soviets had all sorts of surveillence equipment that was watching us 24/7/365.  They knew our every move and we knew theirs, okay?  Don't bullshit me.  They knew if we parked a jet plane in a different place than we did yesterday.  And even though in the years since it has come to be known that a lot of the Soviet might was sort of smoke and mirrors, they had some incredibly talented scientists and engineers, and they came up with a lot of innovative and advanced technology.  So I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if they found a way to have a very early version of an unmanned aircraft.  Wouldn't surprise me one bit.  And this theory is being given a little bit of credit because, as the Yahoo! News blog "The Upshot" noted "...the tome is penned not by a crackpot conspirator, but a respected journalist."
This isn't a UFO genius, this is a cloud.  It is probably
over Roswell though.
     Here is the deal.  It is shit like this that can turn a "respected journalist" into a "crackpot conspirator," because Jacobsen goes on to postulate that the beings inside of the craft which everyone always believed to be little green men were actually a group of strange-looking, child-like pilots that were genetically engineered by former Nazi "Angel of Death" Josef Mengele at Josef Stalin's order to scare the American public in a plan apparently inspired by the reaction or Orson Welles' 1938 radio broadcast War of the Worlds.  Read that sentence again, because it is pretty fucked up and it will take your brain a couple of times to process the whole thing.  If it can't comprehend, let my lay out for you what she thinks happened:
     First, the USSR at the end of World War II captured the "Angel of Death."  Then Stalin hears about the whole War of the Worlds thing with people thinking it is a real invasion.  So he swipes a bunch of frindly, local Soviet children and directs the "Angel of Death" to gentically modify them to have big foreheads and really overly rounded eyes.  Then he sticks them into a unmanned aircraft and crashes it in New Mexico.  The rest is history.  That, to me, is fucking absurd, for a lot of reasons.  First of all, she is basing her book on an eyewitness account from a retired engineer who supposedly worked on the project in 1978, which by the way was almost 30 years after the intitial incident.  I suppose that if he came out and said "Yeah, I saw the craft, and there was all sorts of Russian writing all over it and red stars and what have you" I suppose I would have given him more credit, but he instead told her all about genetically modified human beings sent for no real reason.  Secondly, I find it hard to believe that the US Army - once it figured out that the Soviets had dropped an aircraft on our shores - wouldn't at least identify it as such to get a one up on Stalin and his cronies.  Maybe they didn't want the embarassment of not having done something more proactive - I don't know.  Maybe they didn't want to scare people into thinking the Soviets were miles ahead technologically, which we found out when the space race began.  I just don't know.  But I find it hard to believe they wouldn't have said something about the aircraft and just swept the little people under the rug.
     Anyway, all that aside, the book is out and it is causing a stir.  It has been getting lots of reviews and Jacobsen even went on The Daily Show and chatted with Jon Stewart.  Since the government still keeps all papers on the incident classified, I suppose that we will never know what actually happened.  But there will always be new people with their crazy ideas, and there will always be people willing to subscribe to a theory that something from somewhere other than the US crashed in Roswell, New Mexico that day.  Be it from Russia, from Mars, or anywhere else.

No comments: