Saturday, April 02, 2011
B is for Boobies
Free range? Yeah, I suppose so, but the donors certainly aren't out wandering around the English countryside chewing on hedgerows. Yet Victoria Hiley, one of the women who answered an online ad to provide the breast milk used to make the ice cream, echoed the sentiment. She works with women who have trouble breast feeding, and she laid out her reasons for participating in this succinctly. "What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother's milk in an ice cream? And for me it's a recession beater too - what's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?
I totally agree, at least about the cash part. If there was some sort of market for back hair I would let the take mine to make a couple extra bucks. But I am not so sure that I agree about the natural part. Sure, human breast milk is all natural and can be used to make ice cream, but so are milk, cream, sugar, and vanilla. Those - along with natural tara gum - are the ingredients used to make Breyers Ice Cream, and you can buy a whole lot of Breyers for $23.
The ice cream, though, is apparently delicious, as one would expect from an ice cream specialist. Hiley says that "It's very nice, it really melts in the mouth" and it is filled with the kinds of stuff that you would expect to see on the ingredients list at a hoity toity ice cream parlor: human breast milk, Madagascan vanilla, and lemon zest. Said O'Connor "Some people will hear about it and go, 'yuck' but actually it's pure, organic, free-range and totally natural. I had Baby Gaga just this morning and I feel great." Of course you feel great dingus, you had ice cream for breakfast. Who wouldn't feel great about that?
I will tell you who. The Westminster Council. They swooped in after getting some calls from the piblic and something called the Food Standards Agency and took all the milk away to be tested, saying that it was potentially hazardous and could spread disease, especially hepatitis. O'Connor called the concerns "complete rubbish" and said that the milk had undergone the same testing procedures as milk, blood, and sperm found in donation banks. I just hope that they cleaned the testing machine first. O'Connor, for all he doesn't like about this, has agreed to stop selling Baby Gaga while testing is completed. So I guess you will have to wait for your breakfast ice cream. Maybe brunch instead?