Saturday, March 26, 2011

Short Skirt Girl and Me

     It is not very warm outside of the Worldwide Headquarters today, Company.  And that is just fine.  Winter has decided that it is not ready to let go just yet.  I, however, have decided that I am no longer willing to participate in winter so I went running my errands today in my traditional dress: gym shorts and a hooded sweatshirt.  With sandals on my feet.  Believe me, I am fully aware that it is too early in the season for this kind of dress, at least in most people's eyes, but I still took exception to the reaction of a certain girl that I ran across at the grocery store.
     There must have been a wedding in town, because there were lots of people at the grocery store in wedding garb, okay?  Suits with flowers buttoned on the lapel.  Black dress pants on women.  Etc, etc.  I would say that it was prom except everyone dressed up seemed to be like my age or over.  Except for one girl.  She was with a guy about my age, and she looked like she was maybe 22-24.  That was not the think that was most noticable about her though.  Everyone was looking at her because she was wearing a beige jacket, with a really short black skirt and black stilettos.
     Yeah, and she had peroxide blonde hair and too much eyeshadow too.  And she was sticking out like a sore thumb.  See, I was not dressed appropriately for the season, but I still sort of looked like I belonged, with my ratty sweatshirt and shorts with a college logo screened on the left leg.  Plus, I was a little dark and gloomy.  But she do I say this nicely...kind of skanked out and she was a splash of bright on an otherwise somewhat gloomy crowd.  But you could tell she was dressed to be noticed, while I was dressed to not have to tie any shoelaces.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say not winter OR wedding appropriate
     So anyway, I took exception to this girl because she gave me this look as I was standing next to the service counter that sort of said "What the hell is wrong with you wearing shorts at this time of year?"  and I thought "Hold the fucking phone, Princess.  Your little hooch skirt is covering way less than my shorts are."  And it was true.  My shorts come down over my knees when I am standing up, and if I am walking and carrying a bunch of stuff they often will come all the way down to the floor if I am not careful, whereas your little skirt is barely coming down BELOW YOUR COAT.  So how is it that you are dressed okay for the season but I am not.  Is it because you are in dress clothes?  Because I have seen plenty of women choose seasonally appropriate dress clothes, and even find cold weather dress clothes that say "Undress me with your eyes" like you seem to be saying with your little - and I mean little - ensemble there.
     So here is the deal girlie, as you go out into the world to do whatever it is you do: lay off the attitude.  I am equally or more appropriately dressed than you will ever be for the grocery store.  I am laid back.  You are going to get laid, I would assume.  So just settle down and keep your judgements to yourself, or at least have the decency to wait until I am not looking then post them on the Internet.  That's the American way to do it.

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