Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Important Questions Answered Part 2

I received one of those chain e-mails with lots of goofy questions about life that seem to defy answers. Well I don't buy it, and I feel that I have answers for most of them without doing any research whatsoever. So I am going to answer them for you, but there are a lot so we are going to do them in groups of ten until they are all answered. Today is Part 2.


11.) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?  Because they can see things from a whole new perspective and plus it makes them feel really, really big.  Also, they can see really far away to areas that they wouldn't normally walk to, and they don't want to take a bus.

12.)  Why do doctors leave the room while you change?  They are going to see you naked anyway...  Not necessarily.  What is they are a podiatrist?  Plus, lots of times you don't even have to change anymore.  In general it is usually a courtesy, and these days they are probably on the way to see another patient anyway.  My doctor has a ridiculous amount of patients and he is always late.

13.)  Why is "bra" sigular and "panties" plural?  Because panties are actually a diminutive of pants.  There, I said it.  Then someone got confused and said that panties come in a pair and now we are where we stand today.

14.)  Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?  Maybe toasters were designed by someone who wasn't a decent human being, or maybe they are just put together super cheaply and they really aren't supposed to be that dark. Or, toasters were designed by a dog, and they have come up with an ingenious way to get themselves some people food.

15.)  If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?  Well, last time I checked, the song went "Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care..." so there is probably someone out there who cares deeply about the infamous corn cracking and who has never sang the song to show their indifference.  Also, I would suspect that Jimmy cares a lot as well.

16.)  If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a cocnut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?  Oh, he could have.  He totally could have.  But he had a life insurance policy taken out before he went on the cruise, and has realized that the money goes to his research foundation, which is finishing his research back at the University and making him posthumously famous.  Then, once the fund is highly endowed and he makes it off the island, he will be super famous and the fund can pay back the insurance company and all will be well.  Plus, he knows the other guys can get a lot of money from book and TV rights so they won't be so upset.

17.) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?  They're both dogs!  Goofy also talks and later drives a car.  I also saw him fly a plane once.  The thing is that Goofy was created as a character in the 30s or 40s, while Pluto was created to be Mickey's pet.  Also, Goofy got a lot more radiation from that comet that came to Earth than Pluto did.  I just made that up.  It's the first thing.

18.)  If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?  Because then we wouldn't have a kickass cartoon.  Besides, all that ACME stuff came mail order so they were happy to take his cash because they didn't know he was a coyote; when was the last time you saw a coyote served in a diner?  Plus, I never saw a diner out in the desert where he was chasing the Roadrunner.  All there was were roads and mesas and cacti.  Also, I wouldn't be surprised if he just bought one ACME thing and it never worked right so he just kept returning it for store credit and getting something new.  Kind of like on Family Guy.  Also, once he found an ACME product that worked well, he could get roadrunner after roadrunner, whereas he could only buy dinner once with the money.

19.) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?  Babies.  Just kidding.  Things like baby oil and motor oil are made up of things that you could never hope to pronounce using processes you could never begin to understand, so they just named them after what you should be putting them on or in instead.  You can't take things literally or else you'd think that motor oil was made of motors and two-cycle oil was made out of two bicycles or two motorcycles for each container.

20.)  If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?  No, electrons were discovered and named long after electricity was discovered, so they were named after it.  Morons have been around since the dawn of man.  Moronity would be what comes from morons anyway, moron.  Get our of here with your moronity.

Look for more answers tomorrow!

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