Sunday, March 27, 2011

Current Happenings and You

    Here are some things that are happening in the world today and how they affect you:

1.) Lindsay Lohan wants to be known as just Lindsay.  Doesn't matter, she is still going to be stupid and still going to be useless and still going to be a little bit skanky.  This won't impact you unless your name is Lindsay, in which case you will "want to kill the fucking bitch."

2.) Her mother and younger sister are going to take back the mother's maiden name.  No one cares and it won't impact you at all, except for the several seconds you just spent reading about it.

For $825, there had better be a ninja in one of those pockets too.
3.) There is an $825 wallet available that has a Bluetooth proximity alarm, carbon-fiber shell, and can only be opened with a fingerprint.  Odds are that this won't affect you, because if you can afford an $825 wallet you probably don't carry one around with you anyway.  If you happen to purchase one it will affect you when you become the victim of a terrible crime and the authorities can't open it to find ID and identify the body.

Qatar's is solar powered and flies, that's all I've got to say.
4.)  A sports writer claims that Qatar stole their idea for using a sun shade to cool World Cup stadiums from The Simpsons.  This won't affect you unless you are going to the 2022 World Cup as either a player, coach, or spectator.  And since most Americans don't care that much about soccer, you probably won't be.  Oh, if you are a copyright infringement lawyer of a particularly seedy nature, this might affect your too.  But probably not.

5.)  They are a making a movie about a 39-year-old woman who became a Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader.  This will affect everyone as it will divert resources from movies that you might potentially actually go see in the theater.  I assume you, like everyone else, won't be seeing this one.

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