Thursday, January 27, 2011

Making Change


"Cash money makin' records from the
9-9 into 2000"
    I went out at my lunch hour to do some errands at some of the many, many stores that surround the Worldwide Headquarters.  I had, for once, actual cash - American curreny - in my pocket with which to pay.  See, I am a big proponent of the debit card, and I use mine so often that the bank logo has long since worn off of it.  So it is rare that I actually have money in my pocket.  Yet today I did, and I even had change to make things like exact change, and it felt like such a luxury.  So I made the decision today that I am going to start carrying change in my pocket.      Yeah, that's right, cash and change.  Sounds good to me.  The coolest part is that this will also allow me to play one of my favorite games.  See, I figured out a long time ago that a lot of the people younger than I am are, well, fucking stupid, and that many of them can't add or subtract without a calculator of some sort.  In fact, a lot of places now have the automatic change machine so that once the calculator (in this case the one built into the cash register) figured out how much they have to give back, they don't even have to count it.  Therefore I absolutely love giving the 18-year-old at the candy store $20.50 to cover my $13.45 bill.  It totally throws them for a loop.  They look at me like I am fucking nuts, AND retarded at the same time.  They can't figure out that I want a five, two ones, and a nickel back from them.  It helps me manage my cash on hand and change availablility, because while I like having some change in my pocket, I honestly don't need a whole lot of stuff helping gravity pull my pants down.
     But it is fun for me because no one understands, so I get to giggle a little whenever I purchase anything.  I also like having some change around because paying with exact change is so clean and neat and tidy.  There is no messing around, there is no awkward return of change from the cashier who I really don't want touching me, or coming close to touching me.  There is none of that.  Here is your quarter and two pennies and I am out of here.  It is just so final and satisfying.
      So that is my plan.  Cash and especially some coins, and that is how I am going to go about making my purchases from now on.  Neat, tidy, old school if you will.  Talk about making change.

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