Christmas is still 19 days away, but it's already stressing me out and pissing me off. I was thinking about all of the reasons that is was stressing me out and pissing me off and I had a moment of true and perfect clarity. That's right, I had an epiphany. Say it with me, Company: epiphany. And it is not that the holiday is all about giving either. I hate it when people think that is the what the whole thing is about, so don't expect that, okay?
I was thinking about all the reasons that I was feeling stressed out this holiday season: what if my loved ones don't like the gifts I got them, what if the things they want aren't available, I couldn't find my Christmas lights to put up outside the Worldwide Headquarters (by the way, I know you are thinking that I should make the Unpaid Interns do that, but I actually like hanging Christmas lights, so I do it myself. Same thing with mowing the lawn) and what will people think, the cat is eating the Christmas tree, what if I don't get to see everyone that I want to see, why does it have to start in mid-October, etc, etc. I was just starting to think about how I disliked Christmas because it was so stressful and expensive and retarded, and the brain aneurysm was just beginning to form, when I had a sudden thought: all of my holiday stresses are related to someone else. What will others think? Will others be disappointed? Why do others have to start celebrating so early? That is when I realized that I don't have to care.
Christmas is all about celebration, okay? That is what it is about. Celebrating the birth of Christ, or celebrating family, or celebrating whatever you want, really. If you choose to celebrate by singing carols, having ham dinner, going to church and giving gifts, then that is fine. If you choose to celebrate by blowing $3000 on courtside Lakers tickets and watching basketball, then that is fine too. If you choose to trim your hedges into the shape of a rocket ship and put a big spotlight pointing up into the sky on your roof well then damn it, that is fine too. And if I choose to celebrate by giving out small gifts and not putting up Christmas lights and maybe not getting home until Christmas morning, well then that is fine too. And if the other people in the world, including my loved ones, don't want to recognize that the way I celebrate the season is just as valid as the way they choose to just because it doesn't conform to their standards, well then that is their problem, not mine. Just because they choose to celebrate by giving expensive electronics and I like to make origami swans in my own home, doesn't mean that either of us is right. I am not judging them because of their origami-free holiday, am I?
So that is what I have decided: I am not going to be stressed out anymore. I can actually feel the weight lifting off my shoulders as I type the words and actually start to buy into them. I can feel the proverbial elephant stepping off of my very real chest. I feel better about the whole thing, to the point where I might actually pull off everything that I think is expected of me. But you know what? If not, that is fine too. No matter what it is going to be a Merry Christmas.