Wednesday, December 22, 2010


     Flarp. It seem harmless enough, doesn't it?  It is just a pile of luridly colored goo in a little plastic jug.  It costs about $1.  So harmless, except that if you sort of pull it out of the jug, then push it back in with your fingers, it makes a sound.  A very specific sound.  A sound like flatulation.
     And it sells.  On an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Danny DeVito's character repeatedly shits the bed because poop is funny.  And so to, it seems, are farts.  Family Guy once featured a whole song about farts.  Legions of college fraternities have based their rituals on fart sounds.  So people all over the place buy jar after jar after jar of Flarp.  And I just can't help but wonder - Who the hell came up with that stuff?
     What chemist at DuPont was trying to make Teflon and came upon Flarp instead?  And what genius finally decided to go down to see Albert Einstein at the patent office and wrap that little gem for himself?  And which Hawaiian Island does he own?  I just can't imagine how it came about.  Maybe a janitor discovered it.  Perhaps the chemist at Nickelodeon was trying to whip up a batch of slime for one of their many slime-based shows and just sort of put the ingredients in wrong and it was the end of the day, so he just left it in the beaker to take care of tomorrow.  The janitor, being a dedicated person who was proud of his work, tried to clean out the thing and couldn't get it out, so he stuck his fingers in there and "VOILA!" Flarp was created.
    So I don't know.  But Flarp is Flarp I guess, and it is here to stay.  In all its raunchy, gooey, and strange smelling glory. 

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