Sunday, November 14, 2010

Listen to the Music

    Hey Company, did you know that people don't make a whole lot of money off putting TV shows on TV anymore?  Not really.  It's true, too.  The big money to be made is when those shows come out on DVD, a season at a time, for people to buy up at big box retailers around the world.  There is, however, a major problem with this plan, with all these shows being on DVD.  That problem, especially for older shows, is that most of them have some sort of opening and closing theme songs, and the folks making the DVD's always include those a.) probably because they have to and b.) probably because they are lazy.  Well, we need to cut that fucking shit out.
     Have you ever watched a season of Family Guy straight through in one sitting before, Company?  After hearing "It seems to me, that all we see, is violence in movies, and sex on TV." for like the fourth time in a row, I just want to buy a plane ticket and repeatedly stab Seth MacFarlane in the pubic arch.  Now, I am not going to do that, but I just sort of feel like I want to.  The ultimate worst part about that is that they arranged it so that if you hit the button on your remote control to go to the next scene, you miss the first part of the episode.  So you are forced to sit through the whole thing.  Seriously uncool.
     But it's not just Family Guy.  Try Ren and Stimpy.  MacGyver. The A-Team (although that one never gets old to me).  WKRP in CincinnatiThe X-Files.  The list goes on and on.  I don't understand it.  We don't buy the first season of the Facts of Life to hear the song, we download the mp3 for that.  We buy the first season of Facts of Life to get our rocks off to the thought of Blair and Jo making out at a sorority fundraiser.  Wait, what?  Or because we have a fetish for braces and we just can't get enough of Tootie.  Huh?  Anyway, the point here is that while there are important names of actors and actresses and executive producers displayed during those introductions, we really can live without the music.
    So get rid of it, we don't need it.  You didn't leave the commercial breaks in there, did you?  Or how about this, I will work out a compromise with you, DVD folks.  Why don't you just take pains to make sure that when I hit the "Next" button on my remote, the next scene starts immediately after the opening credits.  That would be okay.  Because I am a lazy sack of crap most times, but even I am willing to push a button so I don't have to see the artist painting in the Keaton family portrait for the sixth time today.  I am especially willing because the remote is probably just lying on my chest anyways so I don't even have to do a sit-up or anything.  That is a good meet-in-the-middle, everybody wins sort of solution as far as I can see.  All those washed up actors and executive producers still get to have their names shows twelve times on the DVD, but I don't have to watch it if I don't want to.  That's freedom of choice.  That's America.  And that's how I like it.

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