Sunday, October 03, 2010

Purple Headed Monster

     So anyway, Company, if you haven't been paying attention to the date at the top of all my posts, then you probably wouldn't realize that we have turned the calendar page to October.  And as such, people have begun to look forwards to Halloween.  As for those of us here at the Worldwide Headquarters, we have been looking for Halloween costumes.  And as you could imagine that means that I have been picking through an awful lot of those Halloween-themed stored that spring up in every major and mid-major city in the country.  Now, as one could imagine, there are lots of the same costumes from one place to the next, so there wasn't a whole lot out of there.  But it was looking through all of those things added to looking through the decorations at the big box retailers that made me wonder, when the hell did purple become a Halloween color?
     Yeah, somebody explain that shit to me.  It always used to be orange and black, because pumpkins are orange, and black is supposedly evil, and totally looks good on me.  So anyway, those were always the traditional Halloween colors, but somewhere along the way purple got added into that.  I don't know if it was because like Dracula had purple in his cape, or because chicks dig purple and chicks dig Halloween because it gives them a reason to dress sort of provocatively and not be a slut, or whatever.  But purple got added in there and I am not too happy about the whole thing.
     Why purple?  Someone explain it to me.  That is the first thing.  I can sit around and speculate all you want about it = like I did in the last paragraph - but that doesn't mean that I am barking up the correct proverbial tree.  So how did it happen?  Why did it happen?  What does purple have anything to do with harvesting or evil or anything?  I have yet to understand why big box retailers are hawking purple Christmas lights for me to hang out front for Devil's Night?
     So what am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to decorate my bushes with purple crepe paper and people will understand what I am going for?  I am guessing that people will look at me like I need to wear a fucking helmet.  They will get the picture if I cover their maple tree with orange and black.  Am I supposed to put a purple pumpkin out in front of the Worldwide Headquarters?  One year some kids threw an orange pumpkin at my door and I didn't pick it up for like six months and by late March when the sun angle went up a little bit it became purple, but it wasn't really Halloween then anymore.  So rotting pumpkins then?  No?  I am just so confused, and I want someone to help me out.  Anybody please.  I need to buy some Christmas lights...excuse me, Halloween lights...and I just can't decide what color to get.  I just can't wrap my head around the purple.

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