Here is the question of the day, Company: When was the last time you saw a good magician? I mean, I know that they are out there. It is not like I am lamenting the lack of quality practitioners of magic in our society, I am just asking when was the last time you actually went out and saw one?
Yeah, that's what I thought. I racked through the memory banks as well and couldn't come up with the last time I saw one. In fact, I am seriously beginning to consider the fact that maybe I have never seen a real, live magician perform in person. I mean the whole nine yards, with the girl in the glittery outfit that he is always cutting in half and a Mary Poppins-like black top hat. That is what I am looking for. I know that it is much more politically correct to call them "illusionists" these days, but we all know that I don't go for that shit. I am talking about an old school magician with bunnies and the scarves that come our of your sleeve for like sixteen feet.
I wonder where I could find one. I am sure that using the power of the Internet I could discover if and when one will be performing near me. That thing is great - that Internet. You can find out all sorts of useful information on that thing. And there is a lot of porn. It is sort of like magic itself, it stands to reason that would be a good way to procure the services of a magician for my next party, social, or gala event. I wonder if I could just open the Yellow Pages, you know, let my fingers do the walking, in order to summon up a magician for say my kid's birthday party. Or maybe for my bachelor party - now that would be cool. And he could make an exotic dancer appear. And a keg! Now that's what I am talking about.
So that is the great mystery of the day, Company. Where have all the magicians gone? The next time I see that one is nearby, probably at the friendly local Native American casino or maybe at the theatre that is a scant 90 mile drive away, I am definitely going to go see him or her. Because you are never, ever too old for that kind of business. I mean, who doesn't like seeing a person being cut in half with a giant-toothed saw? I know I do. But only when they are put back together again.