Sunday, September 12, 2010

Ten Lists in Ten Days: Vegetables

We had so much fun with our last "Ten Lists in Ten Days" special promotion that we are doing it again. Today: Ten Vegetables I Want to Discuss.

1.)  Peas - I love peas.  Almost to a point where I have a severe mental problem and should get myself checked.  They are best when they come right out of my mom's garden, but in pea pods on a salad they are fine too.  Out of the pod they make a fantastic additive to everything.

2.)  Asparagus - I used to go with my dad and grandfather to pick asparagus growing wild in the ditches near my hometown.  Now all those areas are subdivided and I wouldn't know where to begin.  My dad would then eat creamed asparagus on toast.  I think that I am at the point in my life where I would like that now.

3.)  Carrots - LOVE 'EM!  All delicious and orange.  I like to eat them whole and then let them hang out of the corner of my mouth like I am George Burns and they are my cigar.  They are also good for your eyes and declicious with a butter and brown sugar glaze.

4.)  Tomatoes - I don't care whether or not they are a vegetable, I am putting them here because they are good.  Eaten like an apple with salt or sugar sprinkled on it they are fantastic, and they are good with whatever you want, and on sandwiches.  Oh man, grilled cheese with fried onions, bacon, and tomatoes on some texas toast is just the best. Out of this world.

5.)  Cucumbers - Eat them with tomatoes and sour cream as a part of a Russian salad or on a sandwich.

6.)  Zucchini - Zucchini are great, okay?  Be careful how many hills you plant, because you really only need like one.  Maybe two.  Plus zucchini are are great in all things Italian, and if you fry them up with some bread crumbs and grated parmesan cheese, pair that with some tomatoes (see above) and sweet corn and that is a summer dinner par excellence.  Or try putting them in lasagna.  Mmmm...

7.)  Eggplant - I cooked with eggplant the other day, and so did Baby Doll, and it was the first time either of us had done that.  I had never cooked with eggplant before because I was afraid of it; I had always heard that it was hard to cook because it is really easy to overdo and really easy to underdo and that it had a very thin line of perfectness.  But it was good.  And I love to eat it.  And I bet you would too if you tried it.  Plus it is purple so it looks very exotic.  People will be impressed.

8.)  Peppers - There are too many different kinds of peppers.  Fucking get rid of some of them.  And I know that my tongue isn't always the best when it comes to tasting, but what, other than the color, is the difference between green and red and yellow and orange peppers?

9.)  Water Chestnut - Has anyone ever seen a water chestnut growing in the wild?  What's the deal with that?

10.)  Corn - Corn is always fucking us over.  First of all, people love corn.  Think about sweet corn in the summertime - people go fucking nuts about it.  They buy it in all sorts of colors and then eat it with salt or pepper and butter.  I am part of that "they."  The world produces corn like you wouldn't believe, and we feed it to pigs and people and all that jazz.  And we eat everything made of corn, and the Martha Stewart makes holiday decorations out of it.  Fantastic.  But corn is a dick, see?  Because the human body can't process corn and get any sort of nutrition from it naturally.  We have to break it down somehow before we stick it in our mouths, like by making it into flour or chemically with ash like the Aztecs used to.  That is why you always shit corn the day after you eat corn.  Because your body can't break it down.  So the city has to break it down for you in their sewage plant.  That is why corn is a fucking prick.  But goodness is it delicious.