Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ten Lists in Ten Days - Ten Things

We had so much fun with our last "Ten Lists in Ten Days" special promotion that we are doing it again.  Today: Ten Things That Start With The Same Letter as the Number Does.

1.)  Octopus - Octopi or whatever are gross, as far as I am concerned.  I got to thinking of them because Baby Doll and I were having a discussion about the differences between octopi and squids, which I always knew where different but would have been hard pressed to tell you how.  Anyway, they are, in my mind, gross looking, gross smelling, and just about gross in every way.  I have no idea what is going through the heads of all those people in Detroit who throw them on the ice at Joe Louis Arena.  Eight tentacles with suction cups, and spraying ink for self defence?  No thank you.  That's just not for me.  They can stay in the oceans where they are happy.

2.)  Toddlers - The funny thing about toddlers is this: they are always in that sort of new discovery explorer phase, so occasionally they do something cute and precious but most of the time they are a pain in the ass.  So they get this show like Kids Say the Darndest Things and we slap some kids on it and prod them with questions that we think will make them say cute things, and we all forget that the other 90% of the time they are little assholes who just act like selfish jerk-o's and who mimic everything you say or do whether you want them to or not. 

3.)  Trains - We haven't had a good train wreck recently - you know, one of the ones where the train goes off its rails into a swamp or something, and where hundreds of friendly local emergency workers swarm all over the thing like ants and there are just random ladders propped up everywhere and everything is all gnarled and mangled but everyone gets out alive and there are like 32 injured but only 15 severely.  There is always something about a train wreck that just makes everyone want to watch.  That being said, trains are super cool, and I would totally love to ride on one on a regular basis if there was one available to me.  I don't understand why they never stayed strong for cross-country travel in the States like they did, oh, in the rest of the world, but I suspect it is the fault of someone at GM and/or Ford.  I wish trains went more places because I would ride them more I think.

4.)  Flavored Coffee - Yeah, let's talk about flavored coffee.  Lots of people drink flavored coffee, and I do when it is all that is available. But I don't choose flavored coffee if I can avoid it.  See, the thing is that flavored coffee always smells good to me - like turtles or cranberry or whatever - but it never tastes like what the package says.  I am sure it does to a lot of people, but it never does to me.  It always tastes like something sort of different, actually, it always tastes like really bad coffee.  Sorry.  I will just take mine regular and black.  Oh, and no decaf for me please.  Why bother if you are drinking decaf.

5.)  Finland - Have you ever been to Finland?  Me neither, but I have seen lots of pictures and been around way more than my fair share of people with strong Finnish ancestry.  Anyway, from what I have seen of the photos of Finland, a lot of it looks like the wooded, northern part of the United States.  Not so much like in the Rockies but like northern Minnesota or the top part of Maine, which both start with "M."  Places that lots of people like to go.  So I would assume that I would like to go to Finland.  Probably.  And I bet that Helsinki is a vibrant, thriving metropolis or something.  I just know that I should probably bring a sweater.

6.)  Sarah, Plain and Tall - What the fuck's with this book?  Why do I always get it confused with Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?  Are they really and different?  I have never read the Sarah book or watched the Dr. Quinn movie.  Well, as it turns out, after doing a little bit of research, that Sarah, Plain and Tall is a series of books, plays, and movies about a woman from Maine who travels out to the West to be a mail order bride for a widowed farmer, who by the way has three children.  Supposedly the books, all five of them, explore the themes of loneliness and abandonment, for whatever that is worth.  BORING!  Not that they aren't written well or anything, but they just aren't my cup of tea.  Sorry.  I sort of dig the name though.

7.)  Seven - Not the number, the movie.  I know it sounds like a cop out, but let me relate this memory that goes with that movie: One time, my friends were watching Seven and I came in right in the middle.  So I watched it for a couple of minutes and I was like "Oh, I saw this movie before, that guy gets killed."  Hahaha!  I still haven't lived that one down.

8.)  Einstein - He was a pretty smart guy, wasn't he?  And he was just a lowly patent clerk in Austria and look at what he did with a little research, some trips to the library, lots of math, and that big, juicy brain of his.  He also has all sorts of stuff names after him, from baby games to a bagel company.  And that is the ultimate, isn't it?  To have a franchise bagel restaurant named after you?  Why do you need a sculpture when you have seventeen different varieties of cream cheese to keep your flame alive?  He also may have had the coolest hair in the history of hair, possibly he is tied with Flock of Seagulls.

9.)  Napa Valley - People go ape shit for this valley located north of San Francisco because there are a lot of really expensive, pretentious houses there and lots of people make wine.  Now, vineyards are cool because I like looking a grapes growing on trellises, and I hear that Napa Valley is beautiful, but I am not going to be impressed with a valley that is named after an auto parts store.

10.)  Taint - HAHAHA, I said taint. Taint.

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