Friday, September 17, 2010

It Was the Windy City For Fifteen Minutes



A storm over Manhattan, but not this particular one.
       Dr. J always says to me "If I give you a quarter will you call someone who cares?"  Well, I am going to have to have a lot of fucking quarters for all the people in New York City, because they just got hit with a severe thunderstorm with a possible tornado and they are all acting like it is the end of the fucking world.
     I saw it on Yahoo! this morning, and granted I haven't had any coffee yet this morning, but when that dingus Sam Champion - who is a "weather anchor" and not even listed as a meteorologist by the way - who is usually telling me about how shitty the weather is going to be here from some beautiful sunrise beach down on the Texas Gulf Coast or something was running around Flushing, Queens hopping trees and talking about how horrific of a storm it was and how all this life-altering damage occurred in a mere 15 minutes, I had a hard time not gagging on a fucking spoon.
     The reason I am so unimpressed and unsympathetic is because if you live in the South or the Midwest or especially the Plains, you know that thunderstorms with possible tornadoes come whizzing through and knock down trees and tear off roofs and smash cars and stop traffic and knock out power on a regular basis.  In fact they call that Tuesday in those parts of the world.  And Sam Champion isn't there clambering around and talking about how it was terrible.  And nobody is on the TV and the Interet saying "It was horrible. I thought it was the end of the world" like the geezered old lady in her housecoat said to some reporter from some station that uses the same "7" in a circle logo that every Channel 7 in America uses.  There might be some folks out in the middle of the country who would be prone to standing outside their overturned mobile home in a Tweety Bird shirt and curlers talking about how it sounded like a freight train, but for the most part you get civic leaders talking about how they are glad more people didn't get hurt and immediately making rebuilding plans.
    For his part Michael Bloomberg called it "tragic" and "scary" when a tree fell on a car containing a 60-year old Pennsylvania woman, killing her.  And it was.  But his prattling on about how many trees their parks lost was a bit much.  If that is part of what he was calling tragic and scary he is misguided.  People in most parts of the world would simply call a storm that knocked down a lot of trees "an excuse to use the chain saw."  I would suspect that most of this overreaction is because this sort of thing doesn't happen very often in New York City, although it does happen.  The apparently had a tornado there in July, and before that it was 2007.  So it is not so infrequent that it should rattle this many cages.  I just think that because the media is there and they all live there and so many people live there they tend to be a little overly dramatic about things that happen in NYC.
     Case in point, the same storm system, as it marched across Ohio, spawned 11 tornadoes and killed one person, but Sam only spent approximately one sentence talking about that, and nowhere in that sentence did he use any action words meant to convey how awful that was, except for maybe "swept" but that is just a cliché weather term anyway.  Only when a true monster comes through and wipes a town like Greenburg, Kansas or Enterprise, Alabama off the map do the national media even care.  When a line of storms with a classic bow echo and 90-mph straight line winds and a possible tornado come through Enid, Oklahoma, the big wigs in NYC don't even blink.
     And so it goes.  Just get on with your cleanup and don't feel sorry for yourself, New York.  Because most of us in the rest of the country feel as sorry for you and as bad for you as you feel for us when we lose that big oak tree in our backyard that was huge when we were little, and now is super huge.  Oh, and by the way, that one fell on our house, car, AND garage, not just on the power lines that let us watch Survivor.  So suck it up and clean it up and stop the drama act, or at least don't make us watch it on TV.  Chicago, Indy, Kansas City, Oklahoma City, Minneapolis, and Dallas are laughing at you and rolling their eyes right now.  So is Omaha, and that should be the last straw.

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