Apparently today, September 19th, is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. What the fuck is with that?
I am not sure where this came from, and I am certainly not going to do any research into the issue. I am just going to wonder when talking like a pirate got to be so popular that it had enough followers and enough of an advocacy group that I would hear all about it on pop radio while I was making breakfast.
Okay, I did a little bit of research, and it turns out that two numb nuts in Albany, Oregon just decided that there should be a holiday parody on September 19 on which everyone would talk like a pirate. Dumb. First of all, most pirates spoke English or Spanish or French, so how are you supposed to talk like a pirate when you speak Russian or Swahili? That doesn't work all that well. Secondly, what you think pirates talk like is mainly a fictionalized version of English that someone made up to sell books or movies or whatever.
So I guess that what I am saying is that you can take International Talk Like a Pirate Day and stick it up your ass. I am not going to do it, I am not going to be involved with it any more than I am right now, and I am certainly not going to endorse it. In fact, if you come up to me and try to talk like a pirate to me, I am going to punch you in the kidney. And that's going to hurt. There is one exception: the pirate joke that I am going to relate below. That is all that is acceptable, because that is always acceptable. Happy Sunday everyone.
Did you hear about the new pirate movie that is out? It has ships and a parrot and the whole like. It's rated arrrggggghhhhh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!