Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Popularity Issue: Can I Help You Find Something?

The good people over at Business Week Magazine put out their Popularity Issue the other day, in which they examine the things that we Americans use or choose the most.  So it's kind of like figuring out the collective favorites of 300 million people. All this week we here at Big Dave and Company are going to be examining some of the things off the list to find out what we can learn about you, Company.

     You are a sales clerk, Company.  Did you know that?  I didn't either, but that is the what the Bureau of Labor Statistics says.  It is not a good job, we all know that, because customers are assholes and bosses are retards and you have to stand around all day long.  if you have never worked in the sales business, or should I say the sales clerk business, I would not recommend it.  Go work at Home Depot or the friendly local car dealer or at K-Mart or something and you will see.  In fact, 4.2 million of you have already seen.  Sales clerk is the most listed job in America these days, followed by its bastard customers cashiers and office clerks.  They are all cut from the same cloth and they all involve the same dangers, etc.
Just think of it as a penis, okay?
     I think that the thing that stands out to me the most when I see these statistics laid out in front of me is how fundamentally the nature of the American workplace and collar has changed.  There was a time when factory worker would have topped this list religiously, but somewhere along the way we just moved into buying shit and serving one another and shuffling papers instead of actually making something useful.  Now all we manufacture are those perverted shake weight things that you see on the late night infomercials that girls are supposed to use to shape up their arms but which in reality just make them look like they are doing dirty things to penises. 
     So that is it, then?  We have been reduced to 4.2 million people who stand around helping you find the laundry detergent, 3.4 million who will take your money once you've picked out your laundry detergent, and another 2.8 million who will file the invoices for the next shipment of laundry detergent to fill the shelves.  Fantastic.  And most of us are hating it while we are doing it.  How fantastic.
     Well, Company, I hate to end our look at your favorite and most popular things as figured out by Business Week Magazine to such a depressing end by talking about your shitty job, just sometimes that is just how it has to be.  I hope you have enjoyed it and you can find the entire Popularity Issue by clicking here.  That is the most popular link in this blog post.  See?  I have added my contribution.

No comments: