Friday, August 13, 2010

Paris Hilton's Hair

     The way the court system works these days, it was just a matter of time before something truly absurd, beyond hot coffee or fake photos of John Stamos.  This time it is Paris Hilton and her hair that are going to court.
      That is right, the social retard who really has no reason for being famous other than having a rich dad and always finding a way to be in front of a camera is getting in trouble - legal trouble - for the way she did her hair.  Well, not really the way she did her hair but WHO did her hair.  See, the French capital has a contract with a company called Hairtech International Inc to wear and promote their hair extensions.  Hair extensions, for those of you who don't know, are a lot like going to the gym, kind of useless in a way, because they are made for people who for some reason have short hair but want long hair and just can't stand to wait until it grows out like the bulk of the population does.  So anyway, she signs this deal with the Hairtech folks and they give her like $3500 worth of fake hair to hang from her head as she went about her business.  And all she had to do was do a little promotion, let them take her picture, etc and all would be good.  Sounds like a sweet deal, right?  But it was not to be.
      First of all, she wore someone else's hair extensions one time.  That, Paris, is a no no when you have a signed contract.  I mean, you would be on someone in a minute if they signed a contract to squirt your perfume all over themselves but then they showed up somewhere wearing J-Lo.  So they took you to court for that, no big deal.  But it gets worse.
     They also took you to court because you missed a launch party for their hair extension line in 2007 and that they lost $6.6 million on the party.  That's a lot of free drinks and an awfully famous DJ, now isn't it?  But Paris, never one to miss a party, was too busy being in jail for driving twice on a suspended license while on probation for reckless driving.  Bold strategy Paris, how did that work out for you?  Oh, and the fake hair people are claiming that Paris' partying is contrary to their marketing campaign.  All of these rolled up together apparently make for a $35 million breach of contract suit in the eyes of the Hairtech International folks, which by the way, is 10 times what she was apparently paid under the contract.
     I am sure that you are going to be amazed by this, Company, but I am actually siding with Paris here.  I know that I usually toast the useless pop culture socialites who have never really done anything worthwhile ever even for a minute, and whose shallow existence sucks a little bit of everyones soul who has to see them go about their business, and who are too fucking retarded to realize that the laws even apply to them, but quite frankly, by the time 2007 rolled around, Paris' reputation was for the most part cemented, and you can't tell me that the folks at Hairtech didn't know what they were getting into.  You can't tell me that they didn't know she was a flake, you can't tell me that they didn't know that the $3.5 million that they paid her was probably a bad investment, because while you can run all the ads of Paris Hilton sporting your hair extensions that you want, and you can tell everyone she exclusively wears yours, it is not like you can highlight your corporate logo onto them for when she is appearing in Us Weekly or something.
     The other thing that you can't tell me is that you are out $35 million for all her shenanigans just because she wore someone else's hair extensions somewhere along the way in 2008.  Okay, I can understand getting your $3.5 million back for the what you paid her, and in the highly unlikely case that you actually really lost $6.6 million just on the launch party for your fucking shitty line of stupid hair extensions then ask for that back too, but by my calculations, which have been verified by banks and banks of interconnected NASA computers in Houston, is only $10.1 million.  So where then, does the other $24.9 million dollars come from?  Where did she screw you out of that amount?  What skeezy lawyer asked for that?  Or maybe are you just suing her as a way of getting a little more exposure from a contract that has been breached?  What is going on here?
     As for dear little Paris, I am not surprised to read this.  She has a long history of making bad decisions, and she always seems to put fashion and looking good and getting photographed ahead of, well, anything else, so I am not surprised that she would breach a hair extension contract just because she thought some other ones were better.  I mean, what is it to her, anyway?  She has people to take care of that for her, and I am sure it won't come to a jury trial or anything.  And in a couple of months everything will be back to normal: people won't be caring about Hairtech International anymore which is good because they shouldn't be, and people will still be caring about Paris Hilton even though they shouldn't be, and there still won't be any extra people wearing hair extensions.  A whole lot of to do about nothing if you ask me.  But at least it is keeping all those law clerks and court stenographers at work, right?

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