Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Corn On and Off the Cob

    Don't ask me how, Company, but somehow today some sweet corn worked its way into our government office.  Uncooked sweet corn, mind you, and people were cooking it in the microwave.  I didn't have any of it because I was out and about, wandering the streets on my lunch break, but when I came back I noticed that there was a couple of bottles of that fake spray butter there and a shaker of black pepper.
    "What sick freak is eating black pepper on their corn on the cob?  That is gross and they need to seek professional help for that problem."  That is what I thought in my head as I sauntered by.  I always sort of saunter through the office with a posture that sort of reminds me in my mind's eye of the guy on the skateboard with the briefcase from the Nintendo game Paperboy.  Sorry, that was a little bit of a tangent there.  Anyway, I was cruising by the pepper shaker and thinking about how pepper on corn on the cob was gross and that the only things to eat on it are butter and salt when I realized that I am a dumbass.
      I will tell you why in a minute, I just want to ask you a question first.  Have you or your parents ever had extra sweet corn, then cut it off the cob into a container and froze it so you could have sweet corn goodness in the winter?  Or maybe your grandma always did that?  Well, it was the thought of this that made me feel like a complete asshole.
      I felt like a complete hypocrite asshole because, well, when I unfreeze that cut off sweet corn from grandma's freezer, I always put a big pat of butter AND PEPPER on it.  So if pepper is good on it then with butter, why is it gross when it is on the cob?  That is the most r-tarded thing that I have ever come up with out of my brain.  Well, maybe not the MOST but it has to be right up there.  Now I know that if you watch Alton Brown Good Eats like I do, you know that there are lots of important chemical and physical changes that occur withing food during different kinds of heating and cooling, but let's be honest folks, this is corn.  This is a vegetable that has to be mechanically broken down for the human body to process it, so I don't think a few sharp, pointy ice crystals are going to do a whole lot to break the stuff down or change anything.  So we can safely assume that the stuff in the freezer is essentially the same in size, shape, and taste as the stuff we put in all those months ago?  So why the pepper now but not back in the summer?  That makes no sense whatsoever.  So this is what I am saying: when you are out at the cookout later this week or maybe this weekend, put a couple of shakes of pepper on your corn.  I know I will.  No matter if it's on or off the cob.