Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Brownie Bandit

These will net you 5 to 10.
    Brownies are delicious.  No one would dispute that.  Well, I shouldn't say that.  There is probably someone out there who would dispute that; Bucko might just to play devil's advocate.  But most would not.  Jamon Simoneaux most certainly would not.  He was recently arrested in Gonzales, Louisiana for repeatedly breaking into a bakery and stealing baked goods.
     Yeah, not the money.  The brownies.  Oh, and some sugar cookies.  Lynn and Pat Jumonville (which one is the man and which the woman? I dare you to figure it out without using the Interweb...Lynn is the man and Pat is the woman; I am not guessing, I am telling you) estimate that Simoneaux took about 12 dozen brownies and about 2 dozen sugar cookies over the course of many weeks.  So now he is up on charges of simple burglary - six counts - and simple criminal damage to property - four counts.  Because he pulled his shenanigans multiple times.
      In the end it was the criminal damage to property that got him.  Simoneaux was breaking the window every time he felt the need to indulge his sweet tooth.  So around 8:30 or 9:00 pm he would stroll by and break his way in, and it was once the costs of the broken windows and screens mounting up that caused Mr. Jumonville to call the police.  That is what boggles my mind.  Simoneaux almost got away with it because he wasn't stealing any money.  One can infer that Jumonville didn't call police the first couple of times his bakery was broken into, probably because all the money was there and nothing seemed amiss except for the shattered glass, etc.  I mean, honestly, what is a dozen brownies on the 30 dozen that they probably have made for that day?  I would suspect that Jumonville didn't even notice the brownies were gone, until the started counting.  Or maybe until Simoneaux got caught, because he got caught red handed.  When police apprehended him inside the bakery, he had a bag of brownies in his hand.
     The sad thing is that Little Jamon Brownie Thief probably could have scored himself some free goods if he had just used his brain.  Let's be honest, the bakery isn't going to sell out 100% of its inventory every day, and unless they are selling day olds on the cheap, health laws are going to cause them to chuck a lot of their inventory every day.  That is just part of the cost of doing business.  If you don't want to dumpster dive he probably could have just hung out in back at the end of the day and they would have given him a dozen free here and there.  At least he wouldn't have caused all those broken windows.  But hey, what do I know.  Maybe his father was a glazier.  All I know is I sort of like this guy, and I sort of like the shop owners as well.  I just feel bad with how hard of a time he is going to have in jail.  "what you in for, boy "(notice no capitalization or punctuation because they are in jail and they are dangerous lawbreakers) "stealing baked goods."  Good luck with that Jamon.

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