Tuesday, July 06, 2010

We're Back

     In case you didn't know, Company, I was feeling kind of down last week.  The reason what that I managed to again fail to win the Dirt Devil Presents the Third Annual Big Dave and Company Blog of the Year Award Brought to You by Shrek Forever After (In Theaters Now!).  That being said, I did what any media mogul aspiring blog winner would do: I went to a Dave Matthews Band concert.  Yeah, you heard me right.  If you like the music of Dave Matthews Band - and a lot of you don't, and that's okay - then there is something special and uplifting the experience, dedicated as they are to performance, and it's a great place to reflect and find yourself.  Just so long as you don't get high from all the people smoking pot around you.
     So I am standing in a cloud of pot smoke, surrounded by shirtless guys and girls in impossibly short shorts in the grass, and I had an epipheny.  Well sort of.  I always assumed that epiphenies were sudden things, that the thought just sort of appears out of the fog and confusion sort of like the pedestrian always just sort of appears out of the rain and mist in every horror movie in which running down a pedestrian is how the plot starts.  That is why they always compare it to a light bulb coming on - it's is for all intensive purposes instantaneous.  This one though, this epiphany, was more like a light bulb that is powered by a seasoned runner on a treadmill.  As they begin, and slowly ramp up to top speed, it glows slowly, slowly, slowly ever more bright until it is on all the way.  The epiphany sort of came to me gradually, that is what I am trying to say here folks.  I apologize, that was not my most well-crafted analogy.
     Anyway, as I was saying, through the heat and sound and sweat and smoke and all that jazz, through upturned faces and lifted arms, my sadness and anger over my failure to win MY OWN FUCKING AWARD (sorry, had a little relapse there) gradually slipped away and sort of turned into an acceptence that no, I can't win my own award every time, and that the only way to win it was to keep writing my blog.
      I know, it sounds stupid, because it is such an easy concept.  But when you are bummed out it's never that easy.  When you want to run away it's never that easy.  So the realization of the simple concept was key here: I am never going to be able to win my own award if I am not writing anything.  The realization turned into a plan during the hours and hours of driving that I had to do to get both to and from the concert.  So here is the plan, I am going to share it with you because I want you to know about it: I am going to write a years' worth of award-caliber blogs.  That's it.  Pretty fucking simple, I know.  They they won't be able to deny me.  I know, I am a genius.  A super genius.  I am just going to work my hardest almost every day to churn out good shit that will catch the eye of the Blog of the Year Committee so that I cannot be denied.  That is what I am talking about.  Now, I know that there is a lot of competition for this award, I mean, there are at least 470 million blogs out there, so I have a Plan B.  I am a super genius after all.  If I don't write good enough blogs I will just stack the collection committee with people who are on the take.  Who says money can't buy happiness?

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