Monday, June 28, 2010

The Trouble with Tom

     I was flipping through the headlines on Yahoo! this morning when one caught my attention.  It said, and I quote: "Cruise bombs at the box office."  That, Company, filled me with glee.
     See, I don't like Tom Cruise, okay?  I never thought he was a particularly good actor to begin with, but I always sort of gave him a pass for some reason.  Well now, I have had to watch as he went about his personal life, which is of course spread all over the headlines and television sets of the world, and well, quite frankly I can't stand him.  My level of annoyance and dislike border on hatred, I must admit.  I sort of start foaming at the mouth whenever I see him on the television, and my stomach turns flips until he is gone.  I change the channel if I can, but every once in a while a commercial might slip through.
     I am not sure why I don't like Tom Cruise, other than to say I think he is a mental case idiot douchebag.  First off, not a good actor.  I know poeple fawn over him, but I don't buy it.  He has like one face and like two emotions he can depart and he really can only make one type of movie.  Secondly, I am not a big fan of how he runs his personal life, even though that is none of my business.  Scientology, the Katie Holmes relationship, etc. are not things that I would do or can support.  Sorry Tom.  He seems to be an alright dad though, so he's got that going for him.  I applaud him for that.  But that's enough of that - back to what I don't like.  I don't like that he thinks he is still a big action star that all the girls fawn over because those days have passed.  I don't like how he dresses.  I don't like his haircut.  I don't like the way he talks or carries himself.
     If I were a Hollywood producer or director making a big budget film I wouldn't even consider him for any role, even if it was a character that was going to get blown to smithereens then put through a combine within the first eight minutes of the film.  I will not go see any of his movies, unless maybe some girl drags me to one on a date.  I will not rent any of his movies, so there.  I won't even watch them if they come on TV, except maybe for the Mission Impossible movies but even then I am just going to pretend it's Matt Damon I am seeing.  I won't even watch Days of Thunder or Top Gun when I see them on TNT anymore, that's how low my opinion of Tom Cruise is.  You know what else?  I won't even do the thing where you play "Old Time Rock n' Roll" and come sliding out into the living room with your socks on in nothing but a dress shirt wearing nothing but tighty whiteys, partly because I don't have enough linoleum and even that isn't slippery enough unless I wax it down, partly because I don't wear or own thighty whiteys, but mostly because Tom Cruise did it.  That's how bad it is.
      Now, here is the disclaimer: I don't really know Tom Cruise on a personal level, okay?  I don't know any details on his life behind closed doors, and I certainly would be willing to alter my opinion if the conditions were right.  But based on what I have seen of him in the public sphere, I don't like him.  Not one bit.  So I am sort of happy that he has had his worst movie debut in his 20 year career with him latest flick Knight & Day.  So suck it Tom.

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