Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The Sunburn Problem

     I am going to spare you all the gory details about what I did on my Memorial Day weekend, because you had a weekend of your own with its own gory details that you can revel in on your own time.  I am, however, going to lay one important detail on you: I have acquired a massive sunburn.
     Oh yeah.  See, I am not a fan of sunscreen for a variety of reasons, and I am also very forgetful, which is a bad combination.  So I generally neglect to take sunscreen with me when I am about to engage in outdoor activities and when I do I usually forget about it and don't put it on.  See, it is expensive and greasy and when you have a fair amount of body hair it tends to get all gooped up in that and makes a real mess.  So I usually just try to go without it and be smart about wearing a shirt or whatnot.  But like I said, sometimes I am forgetful.
     And so it was this past weekend when I went out onto the water and in the space of about an hour turned from pasty white to about the shade of a radish, and with equal amounts of bite.  And I am not talking about just my face and arms.  I mean just about every part of ones body that isn't covered by a modern male swimming suit.
    That isn't the biggest problem, either.  I know that a lot of you will go on about skin cancer and whatnot and I understand that, but let's be honest, people get sunburned all the damn time.  It happens.  The biggest problem is with my forgetfulness, because I forget that I am sunburned.  Yeah, I know.  I can feel that the top of my head is like a piece of wax paper that has just gone through the microwave on top of a casserole dish filled with last night's pasta bake, but I sort of get used to it over time.  So then when I go to do things it doesn't end well.  For instance, when it itches a little bit and I dig what passes for my fingernails into it.  That does not end well.  That just happened, like fifteen seconds ago, right about the time I was typing the words "so when I" in the last sentence.  Would you like another for instance?  When I go to shave my head in the morning and I forget that it is sunburned.  That doesn't end well either.  If you have never heard a grown man yelp like a dog that just got stepped on, hang around my bathroom when I try to shave my sunburned head.  How about my back, like when I forget it is sunburned and I take the back brush to it in the shower.  Doesn't end well.  Do you see a pattern developing here.
     That is the sunburn problem: the forgetfulness and the not being careful.  The putting on a hat when you really shouldn't be touching the top of your head at all.  When it hurts to lie it on a pillow, but you still put on a tight fitting baseball cap, then you are a moron who deserved to yelp in pain.  But guess who did that this morning.  Yep, yours truly. 
     So that is what is going on in my life, and that is the legacy of what was otherwise a pretty restful kickoff to the summer season: yelps of pain and peeling skin.  How attractive.  But at least I will end up with a sweet tan when it is all said and done, until the next time I am out there like a bozo with no shirt or sunscreen on.  You can look forward to that post in another couple of weeks.  Welcome back to the working world everyone!

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