Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Excuse Me

I just burped, and when I breathed out through my nose (I burped with my mouth closed because I am a gentleman, dick) I smelled something that didn't smell like anything I had eated in the last couple of days.  And that can't be good.
     So what's going on with that business then?  Is there like some sort of biodiesel plant in my stomach that I was unaware of, because from the smell of that stuff I think that is what was cooking.  It smelled like BP had thrown a bunch of grass clippings and sugar cane and come crunchy corn squared cereal and they were just letting it ferment until it was toxic enough to spill into some pristine body of water and piss everybody off.  That is what is sort of smells and feels like.  I would expect that if a doctor or other medical professional, perhaps a radiologist, were to take a picture of my insides there would be a million billion pipes running everywhere like it was one of those screen savers that everyone had on their computer back before everyone used Windows XP.
     So what is it?  What could have caused such an unfortunate situation to develop inside my gastrointestinal tract?  I am not totally sure, but I think that I can point to the culprit.  Pizza.  Usually pizza is my friend, but last night I ate some frozen pizza from the friendly local grocery store, not like frozen so much but the kind you get from the deli that they actually make themselves, and while it was delicious, it apparently set off some checmical and biological processes that science has yet to define, and which produce whatever flavor and smell combination that was I just had the misfortune to experience.
     Sad, so sad.  And I even mouthwashed this morning.  AND brushed.  How do you feel about that?  Anyway, I know that it is gross and I understand that you probably don't care a whole lot, but I just felt that you should know about what is happening in my life, right now as it is going on. Aren't I kind.   

1 comment:

KingBobb said...

I've always thought of you as a Gentleman Dick, sir.